Tag Archives: reflections

Guide Dog 2.0, One Year Later: Let’s go for a Run!

26 Friday Jan 2024

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Now that Yasha had been formally introduced to my friends, family, and colleagues (virtually, anyway) and we were well on our way to building a solid partnership, in some ways things started to slow down. We continued with daily obedience routines (something I’ve since heard described as a “skills refresher”), and doing more walks on our own with the trainers being there for observation only, or to provide feedback after the fact. I felt that Yasha was a great match for me, even if her working style wasn’t quite what I was used to.

As things slowed down, though, in other ways, they were speeding up! Yasha would sometimes see a trainer on campus, and would get super wiggly and excited to see her. For a while I wondered why that was, but then I realized that this trainer was Yasha’s running buddy! So if Yasha saw her, she associated that with a run, and that made her very happy!

We went back to the park where we’d done our doubles work a couple of days before. This time, Yasha had her Unifly harness on, and a lightweight leash designed for running. We had a whole party of support, which I thought was great but I think offended Yasha’s sensibilities (“You think I need an escort to do this running thing?”) Yasha’s buddy ran with us, and two other trainers came along – one on a bike and another on a scooter. Yasha kept a perfect pace with me and (I found out later) had amazing facial expressions when she thinks I’m being foolish. Let’s face it, I’m regularly foolish with my dog… While I felt it went well for a first run (read: needs improvement), One of the trainers told me it was one of the best first runs she’d ever seen! I was happy to be able to run again, especially since my running over the past couple of years had been sporadic, and I loved that Yasha loved it too!

After our run, I got cleaned up and had a chance to spend some time with Yasha’s trainer in the grooming room. Grooming! Yasha’s favorite thing! And she just HAD to show her guide dog trainer all the toys and how happy she could be! Oh, happy day! We talked about Yasha’s speed, and how she likes to go quickly but is always on point. But Yasha got jealous of her doggie friends who were meeting with their trainer in the outdoor fenced yard, and spent several minutes staring out the door and they were frolicking and running.

After supper, I had an opportunity to chat with one of Yasha’s puppy raisers. She wouldn’t be able to make it to the graduation the next day, but we had a lovely chat for almost an hour about Yasha’s growing up during the pandemic and how much she is loved. My heart swelled with happiness at making this connection; we’re still in touch to this day.

It was hard to believe that we were almost done training! And while I was very ready to go home in a couple of days, I was glad to have come and made such great connections with amazing people and a wonderful dog.

Guide Dog 2.0, One Year Later: The Big Apple Reveal

25 Thursday Jan 2024

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One of the things I looked forward to from the day I got my acceptance to Guiding Eyes was the New York City trip. Yes, I know, going for a training day with a new guide dog is different from going for a vacation. But I LOVE NYC for some reason I can’t quite articulate.

I got up on time, did the morning routine, and then we headed over to the closest train station. We practiced working on a train platform, which would come in handy when I got home and used our LRT. “Juno” laid under the seat like the good girl she is and took a nap. When the train pulled in to Grand Central Station, I worked with a trainer I’d never worked with before. She was fun and flexible and had no problems taking photos of me and “Juno” in Grand Central Station.

A masked woman in a red shirt is standing beside a yellow lab guide dog. Grand Central station is recognizable and visible in the background

Once we left the hustle and bustle of Grand Central Station, each guide dog team and trainer went our own way. Some took a subway further down the line and then walked to our final destination – a well-known local burger spot. Others, like us, went to street level, walked as far as we could, and then hopped the subway to get to the burger place. I took an opportunity to practice my targeting skills with pedestrian controls, which were not always readily available on our prior training routes. While this impacted our forward momentum, I got some valuable feedback about timing and placement and how to target effectively. We did walk about thirty blocks, and “Juno” handled the hustle and bustle of New York like the pro she is. We encountered lots of foot traffic, little dogs, strange vehicular traffic, and construction, and my girl worked through it like it was nothing. I was so proud! Once our trainer recognized the time, we found the closest subway station and went underground so that we could meet up with everyone at the burger place. let me tell you, it was a ton of fun getting three dogs and a bunch of humans around a couple of tables! And We laughed a lot, shared the fun and interesting things we encountered, and ate some scrumptious burgers!

Once we were done eating, we realized that it was raining. And not lightly sprinkling raining; the skies would open up, and we’d get caught in the middle. Thankfully, someone drove one of the vans down, and we all piled in before we all got soaked and started to smell like wet dog! As the van made its way down the streets of New York, it got cold enough to slightly snow. I looked forward to seeing how my girl would work in the snow and hoped we’d get some more before we flew home, just because I knew we’d be arriving home and encountering a bunch of it! The van crept along, and we made it back in time to warm up, do some light training work, and turn in for the night.

And after nearly a week of teasing my friends, family and colleagues, and one of my classmates throwing out nonsensical names on social media in an effort to be hilarious, Our work in New York made me feel like it was time to reveal my girl in all of her glory. For nearly ten days, my social media world knew her as “Juno”. One year ago, I formally introduced her as Yasha – a special dog who deserves a special name. And while I can’t claim to have named her, I think it suits her very well.

Guide Dog 2.0, One Year Later: Who’s a Good Dog?

23 Tuesday Jan 2024

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I needed the day of rest. I needed the exercise bike ride I finally had the energy to do. Fun bonding time with “Juno” without anything related to work was special; a toy tornado blew through my room! I was pleasantly surprised by a goodie bag from Guiding Eyes with some of my favorite snacks (they called our friends or family members to find out what to buy). We sang happy birthday to one of my classmates, whose guide dog was the best birthday present ever!

When Monday came around, I was ready to go back to work. Learning a new dog is fun and exciting, in addition to exhausting, and after the rest I was ready for the fun an exciting bit.

“Juno” is wonderful. She is focused and poised and takes her job very seriously. She proved just how impressive she is when we were waiting to do some sidewalkless travel and encountered Thomas Panek, CEO of Guiding Eyes, in the hallway with his dog. We had a full five-minute conversation, and “Juno” laid down flawlessly at my feet while we chatted. I don’t know if she was trying to impress anyone, but I was impressed!

Over the past week, “Juno” and I had worked exclusively with the Unifly harness, rather than the more frequently issued leather harness. It’s a lightweight harness with a fully customizable handle, which helped a lot with some of our spacial issues. Jenny didn’t mind being right up against my left leg; “Juno” required more space. That Monday evening, we decided to see how a leather harness would work, and of course (because I can’t try something new on an easy route), we tried the leather harness for the first time on our night walk.

The night walk is an important part of training, because it makes sure that both dog and handler can work well together in the dark. I have very little usable vision, so how I work a dog in the dark doesn’t change much, but that may be different depending on the handler. The leather harness was great! We moved smoothly and flawlessly…

And had our first, real, traffic check.

Traffic checks are an advanced part of training. Most schools in the United States and Canada use simulated traffic checks (where a trainer from the school drives a vehicle either in front of or behind the team). You know on some level it’s coming…

This was not simulated. This was real shit. This was a pizza delivery driver rushing to make their delivery and not paying attention. That vehicle came way too close to comfort. And “Juno” handled it beautifully. She got a huge praise party when we made it onto the far side of the street.

We were thankfully not far from the training centre; the humans – me and the trainer – were rattled by this traffic check. We came inside, took a bunch of deep breaths, and had some hot chocolate.

“Juno”‘s work was done for the night. She’d done so well, and passed all the big things that day with flying colours. Once my nerves calmed down, I was ready to sleep, and looked forward to what the next day had in store for me and my girl.

Guide Dog 2.0, One Year Later: The (changing) Routine Sets IN

21 Sunday Jan 2024

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I continued waking early in the morning – earlier than I had to. I’d spend some of that time in the early mornings in some combination of bonding with “Juno”, working on my laptop, drinking coffee, and reading audiobooks or watching Forensic Files on Amazon Prime (the latter more for the background noise than anything else). Park-Feed-water-park. Eat breakfast. Head to Alumni Hall for morning obedience session with escalating distractions. Go back to my room to make sure I had what I needed for the day. Load up in the van – all the way to the back – and head off for walking training sessions in various locations.

“Juno” made friends with another dog in class – the dog working with my classmate in the room beside mine. The two dogs would politely but very clearly cuddle in the back of the van, while my friend and classmate and I chatted. The routine changed only in the activities we did or the location we traveled. One day we went to a mall to work on indoor travel, tucking under tables while we had coffee or smoothies or whatever, and escalator work. In the mall is where I discovered “Juno”‘s hidden talents – her astounding ability to find washrooms, her willingness to show me all kinds of little things that may make travel less efficient but more informed, and her “deciding” where I should go. She very clearly decided I needed a new t-shirt; now, I think I’m more disappointed than she was that I never bought a new one.

We changed up the routine one day by changing primary trainers. This was valuable; another set of eyes can see how the team is working, and offer reinforcement or a new perspective on things. It was a nice change on an otherwise gray and cloudy day. That afternoon, we switched things up further by working on clicker training. This was a new thing for me; Jenny was never great at clicker training because she would focus so much on the treats that she’d lose focus on what I wanted her to do (but throw her a praise party and she was happy as a clam!) “Juno” loves her treats, so much so that I had to watch the words I used when talking to the trainer because she’d associate the word “Yes” as a marker that told her a treat was forthcoming… I had no idea I used the word “yes” so much! But clicker training and targeting was different from how I had ever worked before, so I struggled with getting the timing right. Thankfully, “Juno” is an impatiently patient student.

In amidst the routine which was both constant and ever-changing, there was fun, too. We had inside jokes among our class based on songs we heard in the van. “Bony Fingers” was particularly hilarious. My classmates were personable and funny, and I enjoyed spending time with them. Seeing the dogs interact, both at work and at leisure, gave me such joy.

I also had a ton of fun with riddles about the dogs in class. The first little bit of class we could not broadcast the dogs’ names or info on social media or in public forums. This is because puppy raisers need to be notified, and in the event of a dog switch, retracting or changing dogs’ info would be emotional and heartbreaking on a number of fronts. But I had SO much fun with my riddles! I sent the riddles to the office, and posted them on social media, knowing full well that my dog’s name would be by far the hardest to guess, if anyone could guess it at all. My riddle went something like this:

Because I am having FAR too much fun with this…
In my class, there are four Labs. One is yellow, three are black. Three are female and one is male. Two of the dogs are different in different ways.
One dog might be considered lucky, another is named after a fictional world traveler, one is a designer you’d wear if your future looked bright, and the other looks like someone typed a woman’s name and hit one key to the right on the first letter but decided they liked the name anyway.
All dogs have two-syllable names.
Juno is a lot like Jenny, just in a different body.
Based on these clues, tell me:
1) The makeup of the dogs in class (male and female, yellow and black)
2) The names of all the dogs in class.
3) Who/what is MY dog?
(If you know any of these details, you are NOT allowed to comment based on what you know!)
Have fun! I’ll come back later!

And my people had fun! 🙂 You, dear blog readers, know “Juno” is yellow and female, but only because I’ve blogged about it before… but one year ago, I felt that this brain teaser would be fun… I had fun, anyway!

And on Saturday night, my classmate and I hung out in Alumni Hall, and tried to order wings because our supper of chicken tacos were both super messy and not nearly filling enough. we still waited more than an hour for the wings to get delivered to us, and when we got them, they were just OK… but we had fun chatting and playing cards while we waited!

The next day would be Sunday, a day of rest, something I truly needed after seven days of intensity. When I closed my eyes, I dreamed of spending the day lounging in my comfiest clothes, going nowhere, and recharging my physical and mental batteries.

Hanging up the Harness: On Guide Dog Retirement

14 Saturday Jan 2023

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UPDATE: April 2, 2023: I finally found the video of the naughtiest and most hilarious thing Jenny has ever done. Enjoy!

Last night, after a long work day, Jenny and I made our way to one of my favourite restaurants in the city and met a few friends – new and old – to celebrate Jenny’s life as a guide dog and her well-deserved retirement. OK, let’s face it, it was for the humans… but Jenn did get to break a few rules, like accepting pets under the table and giving kisses to one of her favourite humans while he put a snazzy new bandana on her.

Over fried chicken, Dorito mac and cheese, and dog-themed beers, my friends and I laughed and joked and talked about this incredible dog and the career she has had. And as I am mentally processing her retirement and training with my next dog, it seems only fitting to pay tribute to her on a blog that has seen her grow up from a rookie guide dog into the wise old soul that she is.

Jenny’s Career, By the Numbers

Number of years as a guide dog: 9.365 (exact calculation since graduation on October 3, 2013)

Number of hours she’s slept under a desk: 16,000 and probably more (40 hours a week for 50 weeks over 8 years and a bit – more, if you don’t count the time she spent hanging out with me while I spent a year job hunting)

Number of jobs she’s accompanied me to: 6

Number of job interviews she’s barked in: 1 (see below for more on that)

Number of kilometers we’ve run together: I stopped counting ages ago – 1500? 2000? More?

Number of finish lines she’s been at: 8 – 3 as a runner, 5 as a “spectator” (read: napping until she notices I’m there and then wiggling her bootie off)

Number of flights she’s been on: 50? Probably more

Number of provinces she’s visited: 6, possibly 7 (BC, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, and maybe – as a rookie but I always forget what year I went – Nova Scotia)

Number of states she’s visited: 8 (Washington, Oregon, California, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, New York)

Number of cats she’s lived with: 7 – not all at the same time, don’t worry!

Number of doggie friends she’s made: too many to count

Number of human friends she’s made: Everyone, ever – unless you are one specific individual who will remain nameless because they hold the strange distinction of being the only person on this planet that Jenny has not liked

But it’s not Just about the Numbers

Of course it isn’t. You don’t live with another being, day in, day out, for years, and not feel like you know them better than you know yourself. Jenn’s made it easy; she communicates extremely effectively – I once wrote that no one needs a Jenny dictionary. I’ve written a lot about Jenny on this blog – she inspired my first tattoo, made me a runner, and has otherwise taken the world by storm. She has done absolutely nothing half-way – when she’s on, she is on, and when she’s not, she is so very very off. I am convinced she took pandemic shut-downs personally, because after periods of isolation she brought her A game to guiding, as if to say “If you were giving me a break, I’ll show you I didn’t need one; I’ll be the best guide dog ever so you’ll take me more places!” She has known that she’s known that she’s known that she’s right, and has still had the confidence to allow me to make colossal mistakes and then just sit down, head cocked to the side, nudging me with her nose as if to say “When you’re done not listening to me, we have places to go.” Her quick thinking has saved me from getting hit by inattentive or illegal drivers at least two dozen times during her working life, and probably more that I don’t know about. She’s traveled to New York City, one of the busiest, bustlingest cities in the world; crammed herself in the back of a Nissan Altima for a whirlwind awesome road trip; traveled alone with me for nearly a month, visiting new cities every few days… and a bunch more adventures in between. She’s raced with me to finish lines, trained me to finish lines, and met me at finish lines when she decided that she was so over this running thing. Jenny’s not-so-tiny body has squeezed under seats on airplanes, in trains and cars and buses, at concerts and hockey games and plays and operas. She’s guided through crowds so big and loud I couldn’t hear myself think, and shown initiative when I felt so lost and confused that she just knew that if she found something – anything – familiar, we’d put our heads together and we would be OK. Her emergency surgery and miraculous recovery confirmed for me that I am a much better traveler with a harness in my left hand than a cane in my right.

I heard for years that, when your dog is ready to retire, they will tell you. I believed that saying, in a way, but not really. But much like making a soul-deep connection you never knew you needed, you’ll never really know until it happens, and then you know. I knew there would be a time when Jenny’s age would make it likely that she’d slow down, but I never thought we’d be in a time where it was obvious – she was done. And, in her subtle yet in-your-face style, Jenny has shown that she is ready to hang up the harness, whether I am ready or not.

I could go on here for pages and pages about my thoughts and feelings during this time of transition from one dog to another. Maybe one day I will. But for now, this space is for Jenny, to honour her and her amazing brain and personality – and by extension her amazing career as a guide dog – and how she’s done everything she’s ever done with her whole heart. Those of you who’ve met Jenny during her long and amazing career, please chime in here; I’d love to remember with you.

And because I am extremely emotional right now, and need a good laugh, please find:

The Top 5 Naughtiest – And Most Hilarious – things Jenny has Ever done In harness

5. Barking – once – at a dog mannequin in Old Navy – it was just standing there staring at her!

4. Carrying a loaded hot dog bun through an Edmonton pedway. She carried it most of the way through the pedway, let me have a 5-minute conversation with building security, and then showed me she had it while wagging her tail as if to show how good and restrained she’d been. The bun – perfectly intact – went into the garbage.

3. Barking – once – at the company CFO during a job interview. While I was busy trying to gather my composure, convinced that this would be the end of my chances with this company, the man who would later become my boss – without missing a beat – said, “Oh, that’s OK, we all act that way around him.” I worked for that company for a year and a half.

2. Walking down the hall to another office and eating the office dog’s food – while he just sat there and watched her do it. I’d been telling her for months that she had the right to scold him for being naughty, and she had done nothing; I guess this was her way of showing him who’s boss!

1. Running on to a goalball court… in the middle of a game. In her defence, who uses a squeaky toy during a game when they know there will be guide dogs present? There is video evidence of this, but I cannot seem to find it anywhere; please take my word that this is by far the most hilarious and naughtiest thing that Jenny as ever done in her life! (Update April 2, 2023, in case you missed it, I found the video!)

So, What’s Next?

I am blessed to have had more than 9 years with Jenny’s harness in my left hand. She’s more than earned this retirement. Her remaining years will be here at home, with the humans she loves, the cats she thinks she can boss around but mostly ignores, with her days full of love and attention from anyone who wants to give it, and maybe a second career as a therapy dog. I’m a better traveler – and a better human – having had her by my side during so many transitions and experiences in life. Jenny girl, you deserve the best life has to offer you; thank you for giving me the best years of your life, and mine.

2022: All of the Different Directions

31 Saturday Dec 2022

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I must start off by expressing my gratitude to my faithful family, friends and followers; this blog has had a mere 14 entries this year – including a completely abandoned Ultimate Blog Challenge on beading, which I just left hanging… for months! I do want to pick it up again… when time permits.

2022 feels a lot like that blog challenge. The best of intentions, and maybe not the best follow-through. But some amazing things happened this year, which I will be blogging about in 2023… in short (if not in order):

  • I decided to go back to school! It’s a long story, and I’m still not sure I can explain all of it, but I’m studying and learning and procrastinating and fighting accessibility battles – like most disabled students, I’m sure. There’s lots to unpack there, and I’m looking forward to exploring it further on this blog in 2023!
  • My partner and I adopted another cat! The reasons behind this are complicated, and worthy of their own story. Her name is Madonna – we call her Maddie. She and Simone (Monkey) are best buddies, even if Monkey has turned into the most fair and strict “mama cat” ever. Wolfie and Maddie are working things out between themselves, and while they aren’t quite there yet we no longer have to worry about them getting into a fight they won’t stop on their own. Maddie is VERY sweet and adorable and my regular cuddle buddy – she’s my 10-pound weighted blanket and does whatever she can to make sure I get enough sleep, even if I get it in the middle of the afternoon.
  • I ran, and completed, my third marathon! There’s no nice way to put it – my training sucked! Between some things over which I had control (my own self-directed runs) and things I did not (injuries to myself and my regular running partners) I did not run nearly enough kilometers in preparation. But after more than 6 hours (for the record, I never ever ever want to run a 6+ hour marathon again!), I crossed the finish line, and was greeted by Jenny, guide dog extraordinaire!
  • My beading room has been completely transformed this year. The walls have been painted an amazing shade that, depending on the lighting, you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s a tranquil place that I want to be, and create, and with the temporary addition of partial flooring, I no longer have to worry about getting slivers stuck in my feet – yes, this has happened! I just have to convince Maddie that my strands of beads are not toys…

No New Year’s Eve would be complete in my home without a fire in the backyard, burning away all of the stress of this year. It’s been a busy year, with many new changes around my house, and the fire makes it feel like I’m clearing space for the new year ahead.

A fire on New Year's eve, 2022

So, what Next?

Lots! And lots and lots!

When I traveled to run my most recent marathon in Sacramento earlier this month, I started to see some very clear signs that Jenny is ready to retire. Nothing major — like she needed to retire immediately – but signs that were fairly clear. She wasn’t making confident decisions like she has during her entire prior working life. I considered that I wasn’t giving her good directions, or that she was having a rest day after a long day of travel, but I knew she was ready to retire a couple of weeks later when we went to West Edmonton Mall – a place she has loved to work for years, even though I despise it – and again she acted like she wasn’t able to make decisive guiding decisions; there were too many ambiguous choices, and it was almost like she was afraid of making a mistake. She will be spending the first two weeks of 2023 guiding me around mostly familiar areas, and then will retire the day I fly to start training with Guide Dog 2.0 in mid-January.

That’s right! After a very very VERY long time of waiting, I got a phone call that a match has been found for me! It is – to quote someone I know when I first told them – really exciting and really scary and really a lot. I’ve cried a lot at the thought of Jenny retiring, even as she has shown me clearly that she is ready. She’ll probably take this easier than I will! I’m excited for a new match and all the lessons they will teach me. I am nervous to travel to train with this new guide, something Jenny and I did not do in 2013 when we trained in our home environment. There’s a whole bunch of feelings and thoughts I need to process, and this seems to all be happening so fast that I’m not sure what that will look like yet. But I do plan on blogging this training journey; I make no promises on frequency…. remember what happened last time?

I will run my fourth and fifth marathons in 2023! I’ve booked my tickets for Marathon #4 in Vancouver, and will be watching for flights to marathon #5 – again in Sacramento. To help with my training, I bought myself a second-hand treadmill that is (approximately) the same age as my partner. It’s been a process to learn how to run on it, and I feel like I’m SUPER slow, but consistency is key, and I’m gunning for two fast marathons in 2023. On that front, anyone want to guide for a portion (half) either race?

School! I am currently taking two introductory classes, one of which concludes in the end of March (if I don’t finish earlier) and one that ends in the end of April (which accessibility issues have contributed to my feeling of falling behind). But I am nothing if not persistent, and I WILL complete both courses with the best grades my persistence and mental health will allow. By the beginning of May (if not sooner), I’ll be starting courses that will contribute to my certificate program – and I can’t wait!

This blog! It’s been rather neglected for far too long, and I realize that I miss writing – like, a lot! But I don’t want to write just to write more posts; I’d like a bit more direction. So, I may take some time – after I blog about my guide dog experience – to figure out where I want this blog to go in 2023. But my intent is to write regularly – if not frequently – so keep checking your inboxes or RSS feed or however you cool kids get new updates!

How was your 2022, and what do you hope for in 2023? Drop me a line in the comments below!

The UBC Beading Edition: Fixing Broken Things

06 Thursday Oct 2022

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There’s something about fixing something that has broken – whether due to the passage of time or an accident or incident – that fills me with joy.

Yesterday a visitor to this blog asked if I could direct them to someone who could restring a necklace they have. And today, look what popped up in my Facebook memories?

“

I love beading.
But I don’t want to make beaded things just to make SOMETHING; I want to make things people will enjoy, to make them feel great and look good, or express themselves in new ways.
But, like writers or artists, I take time away from my craft. Sometimes it’s necessary, due to life circumstances, and sometimes I just hit a creative rut.
Whenever I hit a creative rut (“Beader’s block”), someone seems to telepathically know this, and gives me something to re-string, repair or re-design.
The simple process of taking out my supplies, cutting, crimping, stringing, wrapping, putting things together, jumpstarts my brain and gives me new ideas and motivation.
For all the people who’ve done this over the years, you’ve played a unique and essential role in helping me make more pretty beaded things.
YOU have my undying gratitude. 🙂 “

I think I like repairing things for a few reasons:

First, it turns something unusable into something useful again. That is a great feeling!

Second, it gives me fresh ideas if I’ve hit a rut. In fixing a piece, I’ve discovered materials that I otherwise would’ve never known I like to work with. If a piece is missing beads and needs to be reconfigured, I’ve been able to get creative and put my own spin on it.

Third: Sometimes I get to hear stories! I’ve fixed a piece that broke at a party, restrung a necklace that belonged to someone’s grandmother, and was privileged to connect with neighbors I didn’t know I had… all by answering “yes” to the question…

“Can you fix this?”

The UBC Beading Edition: Starting Again

04 Tuesday Oct 2022

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It was Christmas morning, my first Christmas as a married woman. My husband and I giddily anticipated sharing the gifts we had purchased for each other. The passing of time has dulled the memory of what I gave him that Christmas, but I definitely remember what he gave me!

It was a square stand, with four rows of five drawers each – each drawer containing removable dividers – and a small mountain of beads in little baggies inside!

I was flabbergasted!

“Where… how… this is amazing! But… like… what gave you the idea?” I sputtered as I opened all the drawers and found more treasures inside.

“You told me that you used to love beading as a kid, and sometimes wish you could pick it back up again. Well, now you can!”

For the record, I have absolutely no recollection of this conversation, which is really surprising (people who know me tell me I have the memory of an elephant). But clearly some conversation somewhere spun this totally amazing idea into my (then) husband’s brain, and he took it and ran!

Neither of us had any idea about beads, tools, wire, or anything, really. I was back to stringing seed beads on wire, but I needed tools! Luckily, there was a local bead shop in my area, and when I told them to talk to me like I knew nothing – which, well, I did – I got outfitted with a mini plier kit, a pair of scissors, another spool of beading wire, and some well wishes for my next project.

My table-top case for beads was great! But it was far from portable. At that time, I traveled a lot in order to train and compete in a sport called goalball. This often had me on buses and trains, and I needed something to do with the hours I was sitting on my backside en route from one place to another. I went to a local craft shop, grabbed a travel organizer, filled it with beads, and boarded a plane.

I should’ve known something was wrong when there were beads in the bottom of my bag. Not only was this container sending seed beads tumbling out the tiny opening in the back… but all the dividers were movable, sliding ever so slightly up and down as the plane hit turbulence. I came back from my trip with a very colourful – and very disorganized – travel case. My husband spent weeks with a rounded bead retriever, painstakingly sorting through all of those beads, getting 90% of it done, only to have our new kitten decide that the tray would be fun to go digging in… And – with the patience of a saint – he did it all over again! We remember you fondly, Dasher!

I learned to bead by just doing. This was before Youtube tutorials were everywhere, and most of what was available wasn’t in accessible formats. I was able to get my hands on a “for dummies” book on the subject, which provided decent enough descriptions that I could figure a bunch of things out without seeing the pictures. But I definitely had a few false starts along the way.

I remember with fondness the first piece I made for someone else. She had worked very hard to graduate from University, and as part of my graduation gift, I made her a chain necklace with multi-coloured cubes that hung at various points around the chain. I loved the finished result – and so did she – but I couldn’t say I was crazy about working with chain. This was before I had a tactile measuring tape, so I had to use the spacing of my fingers to ensure an even look. But my friend loved what I had done, and I felt a sense of accomplishment, and wanted to make more.

But I still didn’t know what I was doing! I knew what I didn’t like – chain was annoying and finicky – and seed beads were proving to be frustrating for myself and my husband. I needed a travel case, and maybe some more tools… so what was a budding beadsmith to do?

2021: The Year I’d LIke to forget

31 Friday Dec 2021

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Most of my friends have been doing retrospectives on their 2021s. I’m no exception. This entry will be very short, but I’d rather reflect on the past year while it is still happening, rather than bring the theoretical baggage into the new.

And yes, I know this is only symbolic and tomorrow isn’t going to change anything just because a year on the calendar changed and whatever… but I’ve done retrospectives for the past several years and it didn’t seem right to not do another.

In 2021, I haven’t been the person I wanted to be. I haven’t been an overly reliable friend, checking in on those I love. I went inward a lot, both in my personal life, and on this blog. My running went to crap, due to a bunch of circumstances (some of which I could’ve changed, many of which I couldn’t have). I’d like the changing of the year to reflect a new commitment to myself and to others that I’m sorry, and I will do better.

I grieved a lot this year. I grieved for the loss of Annie, my first cat, who left us in April. I grieved the loss of a dear friend, even though she’s been gone for over a year. In quiet ways, I grieved the loss of some of the accomplishments I worked so hard for in 2018 and 2019. Maybe a piece of me grieves who I used to be and am not sure how to get her back?

But some interesting and fun things happened in 2021. I started a new job with people I like, and I’m growing and learning both personally and professionally. I’m getting back at the beading table, making pretty beaded things, and that makes me happy. I’m slowly but surely getting my running mojo back. I took up a challenge to write 31 blog posts in 31 days… AND I DID IT! I’m sure there’s more, but I think for now, it’s time to look ahead. I can take this past year, learn from its foibles and fumblings, and come back stronger in 2022.

However 2021 has treated you, I’m glad you’re here and have joined me on this journey. May 2022 bring you peace, joy, love, hope, growth, and sustinance.

In Memorium

27 Monday Dec 2021

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To my dearly departed friend:

I guess it’s time to say my final farewell. Or maybe I should say my only real farewell, since there was never an opportunity to say farewell in the first place.

I knew it was time when Google notified me that you were now on Duo. You were tech savvy, but weren’t super connected with all the technological platforms out there. There is no way in a million years your phone would have Duo if you could help it. Someone else clearly has your phone number now, and for some reason that felt like the last connection I had to you. The fact that we haven’t texted or called in a year and a half doesn’t seem to make a difference; we always did pick up right where we left off. The fact that I removed your contact from social media, or my bank to send etransfers, even that didn’t feel final. But this one? This really did in a way nothing ever has since the day in May, 2020, when my supervisor at work told me to call someone I’d never met and wouldn’t tell me why. That stranger is the one who told me you were gone…

About a month ago, a friend posted on Facebook that running errands with friends was a highly underrated activity. Remember that time we went to the local mall to mail a package and buy paper plates? We both commented how much fun we had, and wondered why more friends didn’t adult together. We always talked about bringing a deck of cards and a crib board to play in the food court, and I regret we never did. But we could adult with the best of them. The last time I saw you, we went to Home Depot so I could buy plants that I could (hopefully) keep alive. One of them is still here… I haven’t killed it yet!

We met a half dozen years ago, when we were both going to other (crappier) jobs, and lived in the same neighborhood. You moved away, and then I got a new job in the same office building you worked in. For three years, we’d run into each other in the hall, or the cafeteria, or on messenger, and you would ask if I was going home and if I wanted a ride. When you moved again, far away, you always made it a point to say hi in the elevator or the lobby, and were always SO good about ignoring Jenny even though she really wanted to see you, because seeing you almost always meant CAR RIDES (her favourite thing!) When the pandemic hit, and the buses changed their schedules, I would take the bus from right in front of our office building. I was always surprised to get a phone call from you from the parking lot across the street – “Hey, want a ride?” And Jenny and I would cross the street and she’d always, without fail, find your car.

We talked a lot on those car rides. We talked about boundaries; I wanted to be more generous, like you, while you wanted to be more firm, like me. You told me more about what you were learning in school than what you were doing for work. You picked my brain about cat trees because it mattered to you to get your class project information correct. We talked about crafts and creativity. I made a tree of life ornament for you, which you not only insisted on paying my sticker price for, but purchased the materials and bought me lunch. Speaking of lunch…. after work, we’d sometimes go to Dairy Queen for their cheap combos ($7.50 for a burger, little fries, drink, and mini sundae). Remember that pop machine that wouldn’t dispense Dr. Pepper until I wanted it to stop? And then you threw your drink in the trash, rather than the rapper for your straw? We laughed until we cried!

You crocheted an afghan for me that stays on my couch; you dropped it off on a hard day, and I wish more than anything I had been the one to answer the door, because I didn’t know it was the last time you would walk up my steps. You texted me and asked if the colours were OK, because you vaguely remembered an offhand comment I made about my favourite colours. The tree ornament I made you got sent back to me, priority post, after you were gone; the grapevine knew that I had made it for you,

because the things people made with their hands mattered to you, and it mattered to you that others knew where the things that mattered to you came from.

The world is a less kind place without you in it. I wish I’d been a better friend. I wish I hadn’t texted you on that Monday in May, not knowing you had been gone for a whole day already. I selfishly wish you were still here and am also selfishly glad you haven’t lived the past eighteen months of the pandemic. I miss your graciousness, your joy in the little things in life, and the fire in you on the rare occasions you got really upset about something. You believed in love, in all of its forms, and were seriously the most generous person I’ve ever met.

It’s time I let you go now. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I feel like I have to now. Farewell, my friend. I truly believe there are angels on earth, and you were one of them. Fly high, dear friend, rest peacefully. May your legacy of love, grace, and generosity linger longer than the grief and the sorrow and the pain.\

Farewell, dear friend. You lived life well.

MLW – 1971-2020.