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Life Unscripted

~ Living Life as I see it… or Don't

Life Unscripted

Category Archives: Uncategorized

When Life just Doesn’t Seem Fair

09 Friday Sep 2016

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

anniversaries, babies, changes, communication, employment, hoping, life lessons, relationships, struggling, success, weddings

Sometimes, life just doesn’t seem equitable, reasonable, or – dare I say it? – fair. Think of discrimination, ableism, injustice for starters. For the most part, it seems clear that in those instances there is a right and a wrong, a hero and a villain. But what if – as in much of life – there is no hero or villain? What if life seems to go swimmingly for someone you know and love, someone you wish the best for… someone who gets the one thing you’ve fought for, prayed for, dreamed of for so long? And what if you are that friend, relative or loved one, who knows someone who has struggled so much with something that seems to have come to you so easily?
I’ve been there. I’ve been on both ends of this theoretical table, and I can’t say I have any easy answers. A year ago I got myself a shiny new job, with all of the hope that entails, and I felt intensely guilty about having success after a sudden layoff, while many others – with and without disabilities, with a wide variety of skills – were struggling just to get interviews. Now that I’ve been back on the employment journey for several months, I’ve seen many others find the success I’ve previously enjoyed, even while I am struggling and pushing against discrimination disguised as compliments on how inspirational I am. It is their time to shine – it truly is – but while I wish them nothing but happiness, their success makes me both thrilled and miserable simultaneously.

But it’s not only about employment. What about being the “token single” in a huge group full of couples? Or the only (involuntarily) childless couple in your church congregation? Attending or planning a wedding after a messy breakup or the death of a partner is both joyous and heartbreaking…

And those who are rejoicing are often struggling to reconcile their obvious (and reasonable) joy with the thought they can’t laugh as loudly or smile as broadly because they know and love someone who feels like that laughter and those smiles are shots to the heart.

So what do we do? We can’t walk around dressed in metaphorical black all the time – life is full of joy and sorrow, and we can’t deny the existance of either. We all love, hurt, succeed and fail – and those who truly care about us understand that our tears of joy at their celebration mingle with those of frustration or (occasionally) despair that we’re still hoping or fighting or praying for that same thing for ourselves. No true friend or loved one wants to take away the joy and success of another. And when we have that success, we feel guilty in a way – that we can’t sprinkle magic dust on those we love and grant them in equal portion the joy we’ve found through love, birth, employment, celebration.

But, please, I beg you, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances, don’t deny your joy, your pain, your frustration, your love. Those who are struggling, wish all the success and happiness in the world to those of whom you are envious; if they’ve done nothing hurtful or illegal or unethical, they deserve that happiness. And for those who are thrilled beyond words at your new job, expected baby, celebration of love… gently share that joy with us who are currently not as fortunate. In your sensitivity to those fragile feelings of hopelessness and despair, you both acknowledge your happiness (there’s no need to hide it) and the complex emotions of support and envy of those who currently can’t celebrate such success for themselves. And yet… don’t hide it! Please, don’t hide it! Your happiness, success, and joy tells those of us fighting in the trenches – in moments of weakness and darkness and pain – that one day, it will be us, and you’ll be right there cheering us on and lifting us up and holding our hands as we welcome our own joy and success into our lives.

It’s Been a Wild Ride!

17 Wednesday Aug 2016

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

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Tags

anniversaries, blogging, grattitude

This post is dedicated to you, my wonderful readers; without you and your reads, comments and shares, this blog would just be like spitting into the wind. I’d be nowhere without you – your support, encouragement, constructive criticism,and your discussion.

Two years ago, I started this blog with the unlikely first post entitled “Welcome to Blogville.” I had no idea of the readership this blog has received – more than friends and family, or friends and family OF friends and family… but from all over the world. People who can see, people who can’t, and everything in between. People with disabilities, people without, people whose kids have disabilities… You have read and shared posts like this or this or that over and over. I’ve written posts like these ones that had you either cheering in agreement or vehemently disagreeing with me – but you’ve always been generally respectful, even if you think I’m wrong, too harsh, or otherwise out to lunch.

My readers have joined me on a trip to New York city, been along for the bumpy ride of unemployment, and even had a little bit of fun with me. You’ve been interviewed for my Empowered series, discussed books I’ve written about, and encouraged me, my writing and my blog in a million other ways.

A thank you is not nearly enough for all this, but it’s what I can give, so a huge, heartfelt THANK YOU! It’s been a wild ride. Whether you’ve been with me since the beginning (like Meagan who encouraged me to do this in the first place) or are reading this as one of your introductory posts, please keep joining me on this journey called life. It’s constantly changing, almost never boring. It’s painful and wonderful and exciting, and while this life – my circumstance, decisions, viewpoint – is my own, it’s all the richer for having you in it.

The Liebster Award

28 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

About Me, blogging, Fun Facts, Liebster Award

I’ve seen the Liebster Award on several blogs over the past few months, and I actually got nominated this go-round! Thanks, Glen, for giving me the push and encouraging me to have a little fun on the blog. Below, here are my answers to a few questions, and I’ll ask those I nominate a few questions as well.

 

1If you were to win the lottery, what would you buy first?

Confession: I’d pay off my house, and then spend a year traveling the world. 🙂 The order is significant to me because I hate the idea of debt hanging over my head… so a lottery win would immediately go to getting rid of the stress of a mortgage, THEN I could truly relax and have a blast exploring new and interesting places.

 

2What is your favourite dessert?

I have to pick just one? I love anything that puts fruit and chocolate together; if I can’t have that, I’ll take ’em separately. No custards or whipped cream, though…

 

3If you could have 3 celebrities over for a dinner party, who would you invite and why?

I’d want a cool celebrity jam session with Elton John, Garth Brooks and Adele (don’t ask, it would work!) Elton and Adele would probably call my upright piano “charming”, right? This is hypothetical, right?

 

4Who are your favourite bands/artists?

Pink Martini, Over the Rhine, Sara Groves and Flyleaf… for a wide variety of different reasons. It depends on the headspace I’m in at the moment.

5What are your favourite TV shows?

The original Law and Order (the spinoffs never did it for me), Corner Gas, and Air Farce. A piece of me feels like I’m 50 years old, lamenting the “good old days” of TV…

 

6If you could go back in time and give your teenage self one piece of advice, what would it be?

Nothing is permanent unless you make it so. What you decide today CAN effect your future, but you can always make other choices… so use your head and your heart, jointly, to forge your own path.

7Which is your favourite social media site?

I use Facebook and Twitter for different reasons entirely. I’d have to say I think I prefer Twitter, if I had to choose…

 

8Do you have any favourite jokes?

Not really. People who know me well will tell you… I cannot tell a joke, at all… My humor tends to be rather dry, occasionally witty or punny…

 

9Do you enjoy playing or watching any sports?

I used to play goalball, and this year I’ve seriously taken up running. As for watching sports, I enjoy hockey, though I’m not as into the game as many I know.

 

10Who would play you in a film of your life?

My life is waaaaay too boring to be made into a movie! And you’d think, being married to a movie buff, that I’d have tons of actresses to list off in response to this question. Nope! Sorry! 🙂

 

11What would be your dream job?

I’ve had a couple of jobs that might fit as  my “dream job” over the years. But while I’m on the job hunt, I think of this often. Where do I go from here?

I’d want a job where my role is important, that it makes a difference in workplace culture and dynamics. I’d like to build on my pre-existing skills and learn new ones along the way. It would be great if it had a combination of people-time and alone-time, as I find the balance works well for me. The actual job title and duties are still up for debate, but so long as they’re legal and ethical and don’t bore me to death, any job can be a dream job…

 

I Nominate…

I’ve got a few questions for some awesome bloggers. I have linked to some before, and some have linked to me… Let’s get to know them better as well!

I am asking Meagan at “Where’s your Dog?“, Beth at “Safe and Sound Blog” and Steph of “Bold Blind Beauty”:

  1. If you could go anywhere in the world for a month, where would you go?
  2. What’s the most unusual food you’ve ever eaten? Did you like it?
  3. Did you have any childhood heroes? If so, who were they?
  4. Do you still have a favoured childhood item such as a toy or blanket? Where do you keep it? Any stories about it?
  5. Do you have a favourite time of year or holiday? What is it and why?
  6. What is a quirk of yours that some have found endearing?
  7. What’s your “guilty pleasure”?
  8. What do you do on a gloomy, rainy day?
  9. What relaxes you when you’re stressed?
  10. What would a party at your house look like?

Looking forward to seeing some fun answers! 🙂

An Open Letter to Service Dog Fakers

18 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 19 Comments

Tags

access, autonomy, disability, dishonesty, fakers, guide dogs, open letters, service dogs

Listen to a reading of this postDownload

You and I haven’t had the displeasure of meeting, but you’ve met almost all of my friends at one point or another. You may think you’ve pulled one over on everyone, but you’ve actually made governments – state or provincial – stand up and take notice of what you’ve been doing. I wish I could say that it’s nice to meet you, but then I would be lying… something you do every day by passing off your pet (even a well-behaved one) as a service dog. Maybe you know in the back of your head that your actions may affect those of us with illnesses or disabilities who use service dogs to increase our independence or alert to oncoming life-threatening situations; maybe you just want what you want. You love your dog, I get it; I love mine, too. But just in case you weren’t aware, there are some broader implications of buying a $75 vest online and getting some doctor you’ve never met to sign a piece of paper indicating you need a “service” dog. You’ve heard the general arguments, and you keep doing this, so maybe it’s time someone asked some tough questions.

 

Is it Even RIGHT for your Dog?

If your dog doesn’t scrounge, bark, growl, lunge, wander around unnecessarily, or display other inappropriate behavior in public, move on to the next section; I have different questions for you.

Service dogs are well-trained and welcomed into public establishments for good reasons. They go through hundreds if not thousands of hours of public access training by owners, puppy raisers, and/or professionals, who work their way up to being able to take the dogs into malls, restaurants and stores. Not all dogs that are bred, raised, and go through service dog training complete it for a variety of reasons (much of it stress or health related). Even trained service dogs have “off” days but overall are well-behaved and continuously trained to be that way even after being issued to a handler with a disability or life-threatening illness. If a service dog is uncontrollable or aggressive or ill, and no amount of retraining can fix this, handlers go through the heartbreaking process of retiring the dog. In contrast, you just want what you want – your dog in a store with you – and don’t care about the sudden stress you’re putting on your dog. Your Fluffy, nine times out of ten, is incredibly stressed by your taking him into Walmart to buy your quart of milk, dozen eggs, and a replacement toothbrush, and can act fearful or aggressive due to that stress. And don’t get me started on your allowing your dog to get out of control, display aggressive behavior, to wander away from you, or to do other things for which a child would be asked to leave had they done them. In a terrific facebook post, a friend put this better than I ever could:

… look at it from that pet dog’s perspective. He has no idea what is happening to him, very likely does not like it, does not know how to behave, and doesn’t have a handler who is listening to any of the dog cues he is sending for: “Please don’t bring me here. I don’t like this. I’m scared or mad.” That dog is clearly saying one thing, but all that human hears is: “Me. I get to do what is convenient for me. Screw my dog. Screw the civil rights of other people. Me.”

 

Can you Expand your Dog’s Training?

If you’ve socialized your pet appropriately in pet-approved malls, restaurant patios, and stores, you have my gratitude. Dogs are a reality that our service dogs will encounter regularly, and the better trained or behaved your dog is, the easier it is for my service dog and I to go about our business.

But if you have the previously-mentioned “service dog” vest on your pet dog and take well-behaved Brutus or Fluffy into malls and stores where dogs are generally not welcome, not only are you committing a fraud by passing as someone with a disability or illness, you are making your dog unnecessarily dependent on your companionship. You think you can’t function without him, but in reality you are making him uncomfortable with his own company. If your dog can’t be left at home for a few hours without disturbing the neighbors with her barking or destroying your couches out of boredom, this makes my point for me. Why don’t you take some of that wonderful training foundation you’ve put into place and use it to work with him on separation anxiety? You’ve gotten the socialization training down pat, so take a little bit of extra effort and make all of our lives more convenient, not just yours. I have full confidence in you!

 

Do You Know Your Fraud Is Coming to An End?

Not only are legitimate service dog handlers sick of what you’re doing, businesses and governments are, too. This will affect your ability to pull off this fraud for much longer, particularly as it pertains to your misbehaving Brutus or Fluffy. Many of us service dog handlers are educating businesses on what is appropriate service dog behavior, what is a legitimate service dog being under control but having a rough day, and what is flat-out unacceptable. Businesses and service providers are being advised about the questions they can ask, what behavior is acceptable, and when they can deny service. Did you know that in most jurisdictions, businesses have the right to ask that any misbehaving dog – service dog or not – leave the premises? You’ve gotten by with your mass-produced “service dog” vests and registry cards (which, by the way, currently aren’t worth the plastic they’re printed on), counting on the fear of getting sued for asking you to leave your disruptive “service dog” outside or at home. But many of us handlers have your number and are contacting businesses and advising them of their rights (because, after all, they have rights, too).

What is also looking much more likely in a lot of states and provinces is a government-issued ID, which will make it much much harder, and the penalties much more expensive, to pass Brutus or Fluffy off as a service dog. And you know who’s going to have the burden of providing this legitimate piece of plastic for the asking? Someone like me, who thank you very much, is noticeable enough because of my service dog – you know, one that mitigates a disability? I hope that financial penalties for your fraud will be high, even as I don’t think it’s fair that I will likely one day have to show identifiable information to anyone who asks because you’ve chosen convenience and selfishness over my right to an autonomous and independent life.

 

Do you Actually want to Live My Life?

Speaking of living an autonomous and independent life, do you realize what these real service dogs actually do? They guide blind and visually impaired people safely through streets and malls and airports. They alert a deaf or hard-of-hearing handler of sounds in their environment. They pull wheelchairs and open doors and retrieve dropped objects. If their handler is going through a panic attack, it is the dog’s job to indicate that one is coming or remove the handler from the situation. If a diabetic’s blood sugar is low or an epileptic is going to have a seizure, these dogs alert them to get to a safe place or to take their medication. And I haven’t even scratched the surface. These dogs do a million and one little things that assist the independence of people with disabilities and/or with illnesses that could threaten their lives.

Have you lived a day where you hear a child ask what’s wrong with you, or how sorry someone is that you are blind or deaf or use a wheelchair? Have you been told that severe anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder is all in your head while you’ve struggled to leave your house and feel safe in a crowd? Do you worry about packing enough food in case your blood sugar gets too low, or have this niggling sense of dread in the back of your mind about when the next seizure could hit? Do you struggle to obtain or maintain a job because people question your ability to perform job tasks, or feel like you have to hide a part of yourself in order to keep the job you do have?

I could go on and on with these questions, but I’ve made my point. Until such point as you’ve lived these lives – whether my own or that of someone I know and care about – then you have no business pretending that you do. Until you’ve had to chew out a parent for allowing their child to make inappropriate overtures to your service dog, until you’ve had strangers abruptly grab your body or mobility aid because they “meant well,” until you’ve been told that your panic attacks or flashbacks are all in your head and to suck it up and get on with it, you do not have the right to use a dog to pretend that this is your reality. If you wouldn’t take your pet dog dressed in “service dog” gear to a job interview because you wouldn’t want the stigma of disability attached to you, then how dare you do so when it’s convenient for you? You want the perks with none of the inconveniences, fears, and complexity that go along with them.

 

In Conclusion

Many people with disabilities live happy and fulfilled lives, some with service dogs and some without. For many of us, a service dog is the difference between independence and seclusion, confidence and fear, life and death. Are you still going to tell me that this little white lie – pretending you have a disability – doesn’t hurt anyone? Call me the next time someone talks to you like you’re a child, denies you an opportunity for employment, or makes you disclose the fact that you live with PTSD because you “look so normal.” If a store doesn’t want to welcome pets, that is their decision; but they can’t turn away people who use wheelchairs, walkers or canes, so they can’t turn away well-behaved service dogs accompanying people with legitimate disabilities. Unfortunately, actions like yours have caused stores and restaurants to turn us away, usually rudely and publicly. I’m sure your dog is lovely, but you have no business pretending he is what he isn’t, or you live with something you don’t. I don’t care what makes you knock off this self-centered entitled behavior – huge monetary fines, a pricked conscience, or embarrassment from being asked to leave by a well-informed employee of a no-pets-allowed establishment – but it’s time your nose stopped growing.

Painting Pictures of Egypt

04 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

changes, personal, reflections

Change is an inevitable part of life – or it should be. Whether moving house, obtaining or losing or changing jobs, attending or leaving school, starting new relationships or ending them, getting married or divorced, having a child, or losing a loved one… we’ve all experienced change in some way or another. Some of these changes are joyous and should be celebrated, some are sad and tragic and need to be mourned, while others are some shades of happiness alongside those of sadness.

 

I started thinking about change this past week when I had an opportunity to visit my family and friends in the Vancouver area. It was a much-needed respite from job-hunting, though I was able to submit resumes and schedule interviews from there, so I guess it wasn’t a true “break” from it. But I found myself shocked at some of the changes in myself, in people I knew and in how they related to me. In her beautiful song, Painting Pictures of Egypt, Sara Groves speaks longingly of where she’s been and where she’s going, how she misses what used to be but has to keep pressing forward. I often found myself thinking of this song during my trip, as even back in Edmonton, parts of my life are in a state of transition.

 

One of the biggest changes that my friends and family were confronted with was the addition of my guide dog. Guide dog travel is different in some ways to cane travel, and I found myself being given landmarks (electrical boxes, flower pots), and then Jenny trying to guide around them. it was a bit of a head trip to me and to those around me, who’ve only seen me with a cane… not to mention an opportunity to learn, yet again, how Jenny works best. It was an opportunity to show grace to myself, my dog, and those around me… and I am ashamed to admit I was not always graceful.

 

One Saturday afternoon, I witnessed two things back to back that highlighted the highs and lows of life. A dear friend from high school got married! It was a beautiful, elegant, but simple wedding that outlined the  deep love and commitment that they had for each other. Not long afterward, I spent time with a relative who currently lives in a care home. This was really hard to handle emotionally, as I hadn’t seen him in several years, and he was not quite fully present in the room with us (frequently asking who I was, etc.) On the heels of a celebration of love, witnessing this change in him was truly sad and painful, even as I sometimes regret what could have been…

 

I have seen over the past few years many people I know who are forced to confront change in a much more direct and personal way. Whether it’s a medical diagnosis, the loss of a spouse, or the sudden onset of disability, I can only look with them and admire their tenacity. many of these circumstances are painful, threatening to cut them to the core, and yet many will reach out with grace and tenacity and grit that even they never knew they had. Even those who struggle through pain are strong in their own way. Many of these people don’t have the luxury of many of us; they truly can’t go back to where they’ve been, or at least live the exact way they used to.

 

Now that I am back home, I am confronted with more changes. Being between jobs is infuriating and invigorating, yet I can’t wait to get back to work. The seasons are changing from winter to spring, which brings on some fun allergies, even as the temperature warms up and I can hear the birds singing. In some ways I want to go back to where I’ve been, but it doesn’t seem to really fit me anymore. I can look forward with one eye over my shoulder back to where I’ve been, or keep both eyes on the road in front of me. Maybe I will go back, maybe I won’t, only time and circumstances can tell that. But in my pictures of Egypt, I won’t be leaving out the painful bits, because I can’t live life with rose-coloured glasses… and life is too messy for all that…

2015 – A Year in Review

30 Wednesday Dec 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

I seem to recall a comment I make regularly: a new year does not in and of itself make any changes to one’s life, and waiting to make those changes in the new year sets one up for failure. Officially, I’m eating those words, because I cannot wait for 2015 to be over and for 2016 to begin.

 

This time last year, Ben and I were celebrating New Year’s eve in New York. A wonderful trip that was… and gave us memories that I firmly believe helped carry us through 2015. I feel no shame whatsoever in acknowledging that 2015 has been the hardest year of my life.From losing my job to finding another (and subsequently being laid off from it, from leaving provincial sport to starting up a jewelry design business, I am so very tired. And it isn’t just me. Ben has changed jobs and gone into a completely different field, which provides a whole new set of challenges and opportunities to learn.

 

All of these changes can cause one to dig deeply into oneself and find strength they never knew they had. I have found this true for me. This year has left me bruised due to circumstance, and every bruise leaves a scar. But they won’t hurt forever, and I can already feel myself coming out stronger. One week after cleaning out my desk, I now feel ready to take on 2016, with new prospects for employment, opportunities for jewelry design, the renewal and maintaining of friendships, and all the new things I don’t quite know are waiting for me. Whatever it brings… I’m ready for it, because it’s going to rock!

Nine days

27 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 4 Comments

On Monday, June 15, I received my layoff notice, and my life nearly flipped upside down.  Nine days later, on June 24, I received a job offer from my second interview.  No one is more surprised than me!  My first day was today, and I am still coming down from the emotional and mental overload that arriving at a new workplace always brings.  Even something as basic as setting up my desk the way I want it seems like this impossible task when coupled with figuring out who’s in which office, updating my screen reader so that it can be used on their system, and dealing with the sheer amount of information that looks so effortless when it’s being processed by someone else.  That having been said, I am thrilled to be employed again, so quickly, and based on my own description of my capabilities.  They’ve welcomed Jenny and I with open arms, given me a great space to work in, and put an air purifier at my desk because another coworker has allergies to dogs.  I feel like I can use my own experience in both administrative work and customer service and improve on skills that have gone by the wayside (writing by hand, for example).  Words cannot express my joy at the way my life has turned around so quickly.

And yet…

Alongside that joy and relief and complex sense of nervousness comes a strange feeling of guilt.  Guilt because I have succeeded while many I know are still struggling.  Some I know and love have struggled for months to find consistent work, some forced to do day jobs to help make ends meet; others (primarily visually impaired friends( have struggled and fought for years for an opportunity like mine.  There are even those who have been turned down for job after job after job, been turned down so many times that they have given up.  I have no idea what to do with this feeling, beyond being the best hardest worker I can be at whatever I do.  People talk, and while I know I am not the only topic of conversation at the office, the fact is that I DO represent blind people to those who work with me.  I will never be perfect, after all (like Meagan so eloquently put it, it’s a human thing), but it is a very small professional world out there; every job I have ever had almost creepily – if peripherally – included someone who had a connection to a job I had before.  My previous employer went to university with someone who was also visually impaired, and I firmly believed that experience enabled him to advocate on my behalf.  So without putting too much pressure on myself, I hope my own experience, work ethic, and willingness to make things work will enable me to push back and advocate by proxy for you, whoever and wherever you are.

Pounding the Pavement: Receiving a Pink Slip

20 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

On Monday, I was escorted into the board room of my place of employment and handed a half a dozen sheets of paper, effectively saying that my services are no longer needed.   It was quick, brutal, yet oddly compassionate in a way; I somewhat expected it at some point, but not on Monday, and certainly not in the way it was done.

From noon on Monday, I’ve joined the ranks of the unemployed here in Alberta, a province (like my previous employer) heavily reliant on oil.  Oil prices have declined sharply over the past six months, and I am by no means the only Albertan in this position.  That doesn’t make it any easier to handle.  For two or three days, I was an emotional wreck, crying at everything, not really allowing myself to grieve the loss of my job.  Poor Jenny picked up on my through-the-roof stress levels, and it was pretty ugly.  It was like a pop bottle effect – you are stressed, dog picks up on it, misbehaves, you get more stressed, dog misbehaves more, and around and around we go.

I hate job hunting.  I hate it with a passion rivaled by few other activities.  I hate looking through job ads for jobs that don’t require a driver’s license or who aren’t way out in the boonies with unreliable transportation.  I hate feeling qualified for a job just to be told at an interview that an employer thinks I can’t type 80 words per minute, talk to people nicely, or keep papers or electronic files organized because I can’t see.  I hate being over-qualified for some jobs and under-qualified for others.  But persevere I must, because my own dignity is on the line; without working, I feel incredibly inadequate as a person… there, I’ve said it!

Thankfully, there are some very serious positives to this whole situation.  I did not leave on bad terms, nor was I let go for incompetence; through no fault of my own, I am without work.  I can choose to take this opportunity to make jewelry (thanks for the encouragement, guys!), take supplementary training courses to make myself more employable, and the job market is good enough that I can get my foot in the door for plenty of interviews.  Ben recently got hired to work up north, so I will take this time to spend with him when he IS home, and with friends when he’s gone.  I told one of my former coworkers yesterday when I picked up my things that one day, I will think this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  But I am not quite there yet, and for now, that’s OK.  The fact that I can say this at all is all I need to know that I will come out the other side stronger and wiser for this experience.

For those – especially those who are blind or visually impaired – who are job hunting, keep going.  Send out that resume.  If you don’t have experience, take the opportunity to get some training if you can.  If you get figuratively kicked in the teeth during an interview because of perceptions of your skills and abilities, push back and make them account for their perceptions.  Above all, pick yourself up and don’t give up!  This has served me well before, and it will serve me well again.  I will be brave and strong and informed, and fight another day.

“But I know I saw you…”

12 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Very few people, when you get right down to it, like being mistaken for someone else.  Sure, if the comparison is favorable, it might stroke the ego, but at the end of the day it can be a little disconcerting.  I can’t imagine the complicated feelings faced by identical twins or siblings with a strong resemblance, since I am neither.  But I am blind, and as such, I – and those like me – seem to be interchangeable, even though some of us look nothing alike.

I have been in stores, malls, or on the bus, and had people come up to me asking when I got my “new” dog (apparently my “old” dog last week was a Golden Retriever), or when I dyed my hair darker (never), or how they swore I took the #52 bus last Tuesday (which goes to a part of the city I’ve never been to).  My friend Meagan, who I reference here often, used to get asked where her “sister” was, or people would just assume she was me and I was her (apparently we do resemble each other somewhat).  Most of the time I just shrug it off, but it seems I am not alone in being confused for someone else.

Brandon told me about traveling to another city and frequently being called by the name of someone who lived there.  Allison describes being called the name of every other local blind woman she knows.  Kelly used to sing at church with another blind woman; they look nothing alike, but the pastor always called them by the wrong name.  Michelle has a guide dog the same colour as someone else in her city, so sighted people constantly either get them confused or ask if they know each other; but the blind community in the same city can tell them apart just by voice.  Steve thinks this “mistaken identity” happens with every blind person who’s ever taken a taxi, though chose not to provide personal anecdotes.

So, why does this happen?  Perhaps because we are a very very small percentage of the population, or generally highly visible.  Perhaps it’s because some of us have similar mannerisms, use a cane or guide dog, or have nifty cell phones that talk to us.  Either way, it is by turns amusing and annoying, especially with how often it happens.

But what if you, like me, have a lookalike?  For years I have heard the “I saw you there!” and put it down to the inevitable, common comparisons outlined above.  But it wasn’t until about a year ago that I thought it might be true.  A bus driver I know reasonably well told me the story.  At that point, I had ridden his bus once or twice a week for several months, and we would have conversations on the road, so he recognized me on sight.  One day, he saw me at the University campus with my guide dog.  He took a detour out of his way, called my name, I turned around… and it wasn’t me!  He told me about this a couple of days later, and how embarrassed he was by the whole incident.  So anyone who knows someone who had this happen to them in Edmonton, you have my sympathies!  And by the way, it’d be neat to meet you, because I’m sure you’ve got stories about where people tell you you’ve been.  Who knows… it might have just been me!

She talks to me… REALLY!

06 Saturday Jun 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

bonding, communication, guide dogs

About ten years ago, I remember being really REALLY mad about something.  After that length of time, I honestly can’t remember what I was so angry about, but I do distinctly remember Annie running away and hiding in her “secret place” for several hours.  Annie – the cat who spent weeks following me around the apartment, who yowled every time I left her alone, who was so terrified I would never ever come back – picked that moment to tuck herself away in a never-to-be-found hiding place.  I had been angry before, and over the years I would be angry again, but Annie never again shied away from it.

 

Science has not been able to draw a definite conclusion about whether animals sense human emotions in and of themselves or react to our facial expressions, body chemistry, or other indicators that give them clues into our moods, fears, or medical status.  But from what I have observed – both from my pet cats and my service dog Jenny – there is some inexplicable way I communicate with them, and they with me.  For the sake of clarity – and because I’ve been asked more about Jenny’s role in this – \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\I will address a guide dog’s intuitiveness in the next few paragraphs.

 

Jenny LOVES babies.  They are her downfall.  We get on a bus and there’s a stroller on board, she HAS to calmly, sweetly, take me to the baby carriage and show me the baby.  Normally, when she is excited about something, she goes insane, wagging her tail, maybe pulling, maybe whining, but with babies she is calm and collected.  I’ve had people who are terrified of dogs thank me for having such a calm dog around their baby.  This calmness was further exhibited last weekend when we visited with two other couples, one of whom brought their toddler daughter.  Jenny was game to play with her, and the cutest half hour of doggie-baby playtime ensued.  I don’t know why she is this way with babies and small children – perhaps she is trying to tell me something? – but even if she is excited when she notices them, when they are near her, she has this zen calm that defies explanation.

 

I am by no means the only guide dog handler who has experienced inexplicable calm from her guide.  Jackie told me of an instance where she had major surgery, and was away from her guide dog (matched for only five months) for several days.  She was very concerned her guide would jump on her or be otherwise too rambunctious for her that could complicate the healing process by breaking her stitches.  When Jackie got home from the hospital, instead of the welcoming committee, Tulip ran toward her, stopped and sat, and waited for Jackie to call her forward.  During the course of Jackie’s recovery, Tulip gradually became more playful, but Jackie thinks that Tulip just knew that she wasn’t in a position to jump and run and play.

 

I don’t have anything nearly so dramatic with Jenny, but there are many ways in which Jenny communicates with me, especially when we’re working.  Sure, there are the obvious things (how she moves in the harness, I verbally praise or correct her), but it’s so much more than that.  It’s like having a dance partner who intuits the next six steps before you have time to get your shoes on.  When we have bad weather, or I am sick, it’s like Jenny knows that I need her to be extra focused.  We once had a whole bunch of freezing rain in the afternoon, and my walk from work to the bus stop took half an hour (normally five minutes) because the sidewalks were veritable ice rinks; Jenny worried about me the first three times I fell, then took an initiative, dragged me across the street to a safer sidewalk.  I had to get us back on our original path, but I loved her initiative, no matter her motivation.

 

But it’s so much more than that.  Even when she is out of harness, we are always communicating, whether it’s a scratch behind the ears, her resting on my feet, or the incredibly hilarious “mrrrrrrrrrrph” sounds Jenny makes when she is bored out of her mind and wants the whole world to know it.

 

But recently, a troubling trend began to manifest itself in Jenny – she began to bark in harness.  This has occasionally happened before, but in the beginning of March it began happening more frequently, nearly daily.  I knew we were in big trouble one day when I was at work, and Jenny and I were walking toward the back door to go outside.  Jenny turned around and let out a low bark at the two people who were behind us walking to the same back door.  After that, I called BC Guide Dogs, not even being sure what I should worry about.  The prevailing theory was that she was suspicious of people, but that didn’t sound quite right to me, and I couldn’t quite figure out why.  I was advised to make a “barking” log, marking down where we were, when it happened, what was going on, etc.  Within 48 hours, I had part of my answer: anything she barked at was on her left, and Jenny started frantically scratching and pawing at her face.  Her vet diagnosed her with seasonal allergies, and with a combination of allergy medication, personal observation, and Rescue Remedy, we’ve been able to almost eliminate the problem.  On the occasions these days (much more rare) when she does bark on approach, it’s to someone she knows on a day where her ears are sore (I can now tell based on how she holds them) and she wants to tell THEM that she’s hurt.  The irony of all this is that if my own ears weren’t so sore on those days, I doubt I would’ve made the connections I have.  I wish she’d picked another way to show me all this – you know, something less dramatic and startling – but I am glad she tells me these things.

 

As I write this, I wonder if the mystical connection between me and Jenny – or any animal and its “person” – is far less mysterious than I have made it out to be.  But whether it’s magic, observation, or pure dumb luck, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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