Category Archives: Ultimate Blog Challenge

Sometimes, Technology is just… Better than Humans

10 Tuesday Aug 2021

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I’m a bit of a paradox.

I love technology for its advances, but I’m far from a proponent of a life full of automation. I realize there’s no way to 100% avoid living life with computers controlling things, but I like some old-school technology… like CDs (or, more appropriately, those things that are used as coasters these days, thanks to streaming services).

But when it comes to navigating my environment, or receiving visual information, I would be at a huge disadvantage without technology. I’m grateful that I have lots of choices to receive visual information. If I need real-time information, where the information is hard to read or interpret, I use services like Aira (which I’ve written about a couple of times before) and Be my Eyes (a free service that I will write about soon. But technology has improved so much that there are applications that can do some things more efficiently, or more confidentially, but using OCR to read text from a variety of sources.

I’ve used visual interpreting services like Aira and Be my Eyes to travel, navigate, and get information about a variety of items. I wanted to try a few other options to see what I could find out about my environment. Last week, I tried to use Google’s Lookout app to see the new bus stop signs in my neighborhood. One of Lookout’s features is the ability to scan your surroundings and read any text it comes up with. Because of the height of the bus stop, I had a hard time angling myself and my phone in such a way to read the stop, if I could find the stop at all. Although I did approach one bus stop at such a flawless angle that it read the entire bus stop sign. I haven’t been able to repeat that success since. However, I was able to read the Apartment for Rent sign across the street.

Even before my bus stop experiment, I’ve use Lookout for a variety of tasks. Things like reading labels on cans, bottles or jars. In addition to the text finding feature, it has a Documents mode, which gives you very clear directions on where to situate your phone in relation to the document – from whether you need to move your phone closer or further away, or to the right or left to capture all of the text. Because of the directions provided, I’ve become much more confident in how to angle my phone to capture the text, which will save time in instances where I will need visual interpreting services like Aira or Be my Eyes.

I Was using this newly-earned knowledge and confidence yesterday when a new bank card arrived in the mail. I flattened the paper that surrounded the card, positioned my phone almost perfectly, and heard the “Hold still” and Click that signify a photo of the text had been taken. I read the text on the paper about how to activate my card, and then I heard an amazing sound… a series of digits. I counted them: 16. I scrolled down and heard the expiry date. Because OCR isn’t perfect, I snapped another photo to doublecheck the digits. The same 16 digits, the same expiry date. I called the bank and activated my card, and I felt something balloon inside me.

For the first time in my entire life, I was able to completely independently verify my banking information. I didn’t need a bank employee to tell me my card number. I didn’t have to ask a family member or friend for the information. I didn’t even need a visual interpreting service. I just needed a phone and a camera and the ability to take a solid snapshot of the card itself… and off I went. It has literally never been that easy.

Today, I’m thankful for Google Lookout, for the gift of autonomy.

Now, please excuse me while I find the one CD player in the house to play my favourite coaster.

Self Care is…

09 Monday Aug 2021

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Sometimes, self-care is going for a good long run or a hard workout. Sometimes, it’s curling up on the couch with a good book or Netflix marathon.

Sometimes, it means going to a party and being around a whole bunch of other people. Sometimes, it means being alone with your thoughts.

Sometimes, self-care is forgetting about your troubles for a while.. and sometimes it’s talking almost endlessly about them.

Sometimes, it means going into the backyard and hanging out in your hammock, even though you know that you have a whole bunch of housework to do. Sometimes, self care means doing all of the housework because it makes you feel better.

I wish self-care were more straightforward, and less confusing. But I’m also glad that there’s a lot of ways that we can take care of ourselves.

The Healing Power of Stress Dreams

08 Sunday Aug 2021

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I am tired.

I am so so so so tired.

I think I’ve been tired for a long time, between stress from the pandemic, and the stress of the past few months. Almost everything major in my life has been up in the air for the past few months – job transition, divorce paperwork, refinancing my house – and I said earlier this summer that if one of those things settles down then I’d feel better. Well, I’ve left one job and started another, and the paperwork for my house has been signed. My divorce documents are working their way through a seriously backlogged court system, but effectively complete but for a Justice’s signature. But I am still very very very tired.

In times of immense transition like this, I tend to have stress dreams. They’re super awful in their own way because they are things that could conceivably and realistically – if not likely – happen. Over the years I’ve had dreams that my partner has left me, stalked me, or tried to hurt me. I’ve had dreams of loved ones dying. I’ve had dreams that my house burned down in a fire, or was destroyed by a flood. I’ve had dreams I’ve been fired from my job, or had nightmares that I was back at a toxic work environment that I only now realize still haunts me in some less than helpful ways.

And what really really really sucks, more than having these dreams in the first place?

I get one of them, wake up (usually at 2:30 AM), stay keyed up for two hours, finally get back to sleep again… only to have another one just before my alarm goes off.

The weirdest part about them is that when I wake up, I realize they aren’t true… even if they potentially could be. In their frustrating real-life yet immersive-movie ways, they bring a sense of healing. They bring out a fear or a worry or a trauma that I can’t consider in real-time because I’m so busy hyper-focusing on what’s actually going on in the moment. For whatever reason, they give a voice to those little niggling doubts that there’s something lurking under the surface. Even if there really is nothing to worry about, I’ve got a healthy-ish involuntary sieve that filters out the little worries and lets me get on with things in my real life in an actually healthy way. They’re my healers, even if they hurt in the middle of the night. Because in vary short order, what’s caused them in the first place gets dealt with in the real world, and even if it’s not the way that I would prefer, it’s never ever ever as bad as my dream was.

So tonight, I will sleep like a baby who’s just started sleeping through the night, and tomorrow I’ll be able to face the world with a little less uncertainty and a little more determination. Those niggling worries have faded, and now I can tackle the real and practical issues in my world.

The Best Laid Plans

07 Saturday Aug 2021

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I had all these plans for today.

A few weeks ago, my regular local meet-up group that has been meeting virtually for nearly a year and a half planned an in-person event: a picnic in a local park. I’ve been looking forward to this event for weeks: being around people again, but also being able to distance appropriately, while still being in proximity to their energy. It looked like the weather would be perfect…. until 9:00 this morning when a series of loud thunderstorms boomed over the city. With two hours to spare, the picnic was called off. There are plans to reschedule; I hope the weather cooperates.

My sandals are getting old. I’ve worn them constantly for two summers, now my feet hurt, and the bottoms are feeling almost flat. Once the storms cleared out, my partner and I took a trip down Whyte Ave, where we ate lunch on a sidewalk patio, then crossed the street to a local shoe store that specializes in orthotic shoes and sandals. I must’ve tried on 15 pairs of sandals, and there was something just slightly off with every single pair. They were either too wide or two narrow. They pinched my heels, or my feet flopped around in them. I found the PERFECT pair of sandals… except the strap near my left foot rubbed uncomfortably against my toes. After more than an hour, and a bunch of frustration, I walked away with only the shoes I walked in with, and despair at ever finding new sandals that fit.

I walked in my front door, ready to relax and write an interesting blog post prior to a long-standing Saturday night virtual game night. Instead, I had to figure out the source of the pieces of lightbulb strewn across my house, from the kitchen to the living room to the hallway. While looking for the pieces and hoping no one cut their feet or paws on broken glass, I also had to figure out where Simone’s kitty harness disappeared to. We found the box of broken lightbulbs in the basement; my partner used the shop vac to clean up the glass, while I went on the hunt for the cat harness. We eventually found the harness stuck under the couch – the ring with Simone’s bell and her city license got caught underneath, and she must have squirmed her way out of it. Thankfully, on all counts, everyone is safe. We just won’t be walking around the house in bare feet anytime soon!

It has not, in any way, been the day I’ve hoped for. But I am still grateful to have lived it. I will look back on this day and realize that even though it hasn’t gone anything like I’ve planned, that I have lived it well. I may not have enjoyed my picnic, but I will eventually get to spend time with my tribe. I may not have new sandals, but I hope I will eventually find some, and they will be worth the frustration in finding them. I may be down half a dozen light bulbs, but no one was hurt, and hopefully the cat has learned that not everything’s a toy.

Maybe hope springs eternal. Maybe optimism is what gets you through a day. Maybe that’s all OK. And maybe, tomorrow, I’ll have a chance to write the post I hoped to write today. but if not, something different will come along… and it might be better.

Finance Friday: Why I’m talking about boring Money Stuff

06 Friday Aug 2021

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I am not a financial adviser. I know next to nothing about investing, and terms like “dividends” and “annuity” make my head hurt (I had to look up how to spell “annuity”).

That all being said,, I’ve been personally interested in day-to-day financial management for a very long time. I have a head for numbers. I know exactly where every penny (or nickel, I should say, since we don’t have pennies here) is going. I realize I’m blessed and privileged to be in this position.

Recently, my friend and fellow blogger Steve wrote an open letter to well-known budgeting app YNAB (You Need a Budget) thanking them for fixing a very serious accessibility bug that rendered the app unusable to him. This got me to thinking. There are not all that many resources out there for Canadians that are both easy to understand and with accompanying tools that are accessible to me as a blind person. I am fortunate that while the finances themselves haven’t come as easily to me at times over the years, I’ve had the aptitude and some of the tools to be able to budget and save with the funds that I’ve had. Those tools – and a head for numbers – have kept me afloat during some really tough times. But financial literacy is seldom taught – resources can be hard to find and need to be sought, which usually doesn’t happen until a financial emergency occurs. And while I obviously don’t know everyone’s relationship with money, I’d like to start a conversation about lessons learned and useful tools, particularly here in Canada.

The most vivid memory I have of financial consequences was in the year I graduated from high school. I was living at home, and had a small but reasonable food budget. I could order pizza (the only takeout food available at the time) every Friday night, but then I’d have to figure out what to do for food for the rest of the month. What teenager doesn’t want pizza every weekend? After three weeks, I had $20 left for groceries, and had to figure out what I could eat for a week with that $20. The answer? Raman noodles. I couldn’t put anything on them like you can at trendy Raman eateries these days, but I could get a case of them, and some apples, for my $20. Nearly twenty years later, and I still can’t eat Raman noodles.

For me, this is a funny personal story, but food insecurity is a serious problem in this country. With many disabled people living near or below the poverty line, I’d like to open a conversation about some options available that can provide some practical money-saving tips. I can’t solve the country’s money problems, but maybe if I can start a conversation, we can all create a little bit of change.

I get it. Money isn’t a glamorous topic. it’s confusing to many. It’s a source of stress. It’s extremely personal. It’s a leading cause of relationship breakdown. I’m not going to tell anyone what to do with their money; heaven knows I’d resent anyone telling me how to manage mine. But I think it’s important to raise awareness of some of the tools that have enabled me to save effectively – if not aggressively – while maintaining the roof over my head. I’d also welcome personal stories and experiences and ways you’ve found to budget, save money, or stretch a nickel into a dollar.

The tools I will be discussing in the coming weeks are ones I’ve used personally. I haven’t received any kind of incentive or compensation for providing reviews; I’m simply a user of product or service XYZ and wish to share my experiences. They are, I am sure, not the only tools out there; they are simply a few that I’ve found over the past couple of years and found generally usable, effective, and primarily accessible. Come on this journey with me, and maybe we can learn a few things together!

I’m Sorry… but I’m not apologizing Any More

05 Thursday Aug 2021

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I sat down at my desk and contemplated the task I’d been asked to do. I had never once done this particular task before, and had never even seen an example of what it would look like.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “But… I’ve never done this before and am really lost.”

“I’m sorry,” I said twenty minutes later, when direction or information was unclear.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, when my computer decided to not behave properly while someone was trying to do something with it.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry…”

I don’t know at what point in my day I realized I had said it in seemingly every interaction – the new task? the unclear instruction? the seemingly “foolish” question that I’d have no way to answer unless I asked – but something tripped in my brain. Why am I sorry? What do I have to be sorry about? And why am I “sorry” so much?

Something did happen that day that warranted an apology – something that was 100% preventable. I was more than willing to offer it. But why do I (and so many others) feel the need to apologize for asking questions, needing help, not knowing something?

Maybe this is half the battle. Knowing that you’re habitually doing something and being able to stop it because you’re thinking about it. There is no need to apologize for a lack of knowledge, for requesting clarification, for needing a hand sometimes. Apologizing for such things can actually cheapen the apology for things that we should be sorry for – for hurting someone, for making a mistake that we knew better than to make, for intentionally (or not) greatly inconveniencing people with no way to reciprocate their generosity.

So, I’m sorry, world… I’m putting myself on notice. Apologies are for important things – harm, negligence, hurtfulness, etc. They are not for being human, not to be used when I don’t know the answers, not to be trotted out as a cover for uncertainty. Because I shouldn’t be sorry for those things, either.

And I won’t be, any more.

Ungrateful Passenger

04 Wednesday Aug 2021

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“Hey, need a lift?”

If you have a driver’s license and reliable access to a vehicle, you’ve probably asked this question at one point in your life – maybe even regularly, sometimes to the same person or people.

For obvious reasons, I do not drive. I am overwhelmed sometimes by the number of people who are willing and able to drive me places. I am regularly driven to or from long Sunday runs, turning what would be a 60-minute bus ride into a 10-minute drive with pleasant company besides. A few times a year, I need to run errands where taxis or rideshares are either impractical or prohibitively expensive. Before I started my new job, I was invited to a house party in the middle of nowhere, and had multiple offers of rides to get there and back. The generosity of strangers and friends alike is something that both makes me extremely grateful, and extremely uncomfortable.

I don’t feel guilty for calling a taxi or taking an Uber. I pay the fare, the driver provides the service. When I had to provide an urgent signature for legal documents, I ordered an Uber; I didn’t want to leave anyone hanging out downtown for me to take an hour in a law office. But there’s a certain uncomfortable feeling when accepting a ride from someone you know when they are driving you somewhere, even if they have a reason to go there themselves.

There’s a certain power imbalance. The person with the wheels, the keys, and the license, has the ability to make any decisions they see fit. If the driver wants to leave before the passenger is ready to, or doesn’t want to run that errand or attend that event, the passenger needs to locate their alternate transportation arrangements – if there are any at all. If the driver wants to stay at the party, the boring meeting, the holiday dinner, then the passenger performs some form of mental gymnastics about whether their desire to leave is worth bringing up at all.

I came to this realization when discussing travel with a friend. I’ve taken multiple trips over the years, sometimes alone, and sometimes with my (now former) husband. My friend asked me what my favourite trip was, and of all the ones I’d taken, I couldn’t help but realize that New York and the intrepid Journey were, by far, my preferred trips when I take a tour down Memory Lane. Don’t get me wrong, the Epic Road Trip of Awesome was… well…. awesome! But I realized that the fondest memories I have were on trips that didn’t include large amounts of car travel. In new York, the only car trips we took were the trip to and from the airport… and the ride back to my B&B with a performing jazz band; the rest of the trip was all made on foot or by Subway, giving both my husband and I an immense amount of personal autonomy. The Intrepid Journey may not have covered as much ground, or been quite as scenic as the Epic Road Trip of Awesome, but I realized that I could do whatever I wanted, held only to the timetables of the inter-city bus trips I booked (and got canceled before traveling, but that’s another story). In both cases, I could travel when and where I wanted, go back and sleep if I wanted, try new things that would bore almost anyone else on this planet… but I didn’t require the consultation of anyone else, beyond a courtesy “I’ll be back at place X by Y time… I’ll text you if anything changes.” I wonder if this is what driving feels like; it’s just on two feet rather than four wheels.

I am truly grateful for my army of support who are more than generous in sharing their wheels. And yet I am an ungrateful passenger. I’m frustrated by the need to ask – even though a part of me knows that rides wouldn’t be offered if they weren’t offered freely. I feel frustrated by any sense of mismatch in timelines – if I’m having fun, I have the feeling like I’m keeping someone somewhere they don’t want to be; if I’m exhausted and just want to go home, I feel like I’m taking someone else away from their fun for my benefit. Maybe it’s not the wheels I resent so much, but the perceived and actual casualness that comes with possessing them.

Can I Borrow Your Eyes Again?

03 Tuesday Aug 2021

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I’d like to think that I’m used to living my life with eyes that don’t work well (or, truth be told, at all). I’ve now lived 37 years on this planet with some degree of visual impairment; even when I could see, my spatial awareness was all wrong, and I could never really tell the difference between blue and green unless it was BLUE and GREEN (substitute “red” and “orange”, and you get the idea). Overall, I’ve made my peace with it. I’m a homeowner. I have two cats and a guide dog that I adore, and a partner who makes sure I don’t get stuck inside my own head. My life also includes a new job that I love, a diverse group of friends, and access to tons of technological advances that have made my life even more convenient.

Because, make no mistake about it, blindness can be, at times, extremely inconvenient.

I don’t spend a ton of time worrying about all the things I can’t see; my life is both too full and – at times – I’m devoting large amounts of time to combatting ableism, raising lowered expectations, and deciphering true compliments from backhanded ones. It’s not the “big things” that make my life more complicated – not seeing the faces of my loved ones, not experiencing travel visually – since I have tons of ways I can enjoy the energy of time with dear friends and family, or the sounds and smells and vibe of visiting a new city. It’s the little things that are frustrating – how can I activate my new credit card? How far up the block is the new bus stop? What restaurants are in which order in this mall food court?

Enter… technology!

Today I am revisiting Aira. I’ve written about them before, and while much has changed, so much has stayed the same. I still have a hard time with their customer service model, but it is still a valuable tool in my toolbox.

What is Aira?

Aira is, in effect, an app that connects you with on-demand visual assistance. Think of it as Uber for eyesight. The agents are hired and paid by Aira, but we subscribers pay for the service to be available on demand. When I first wrote about Aira, they had hands-free connectivity to a pair of glasses, which has since been discontinued. Now, it’s strictly a phone app.

What’s it For?

I can go months where I only use their short (free) tasks, just because I only need a set of eyes to make sure my outfit doesn’t clash badly. Or I’ve run into an inaccessible calendar online and need someone to select a date for my next big trip, or to confirm my identity for a new financial institution. However, for longer tasks I have used Aira to find the location of the new bus stop when the city brought in new bus routes. I’ve used it when traveling in new areas when the directions in my head didn’t match the directions on my phone. Though I did stop using the app for about a year due to technical issues with my old phone, since I upgraded my phone last year, it’s been a big help in those moments where five minutes talking with an agent saved me untold amounts of frustration.

The one thing that Aira has done more successfully than other apps and services (which I will write about later) is train their agents in how to provide verbal directions. many experienced agents are old hats at describing areas virtually – even using google maps while I’m sitting on my couch! – and using landmarks that would be useful when I would be visiting the area myself. Phrases such as “I need you to angle your phone to the left and up about an inch” is more useful information than “I can’t quite see the sign, can you… um… move your phone… up?… No, the other way?” (isn’t “up” just one way?)

Current Verdict

Like all tools in the blindness toolbox (of which I hold many), Aira is a very useful one. Even in areas with limited mobile connectivity, in general I find the agents helpful, empathetic, and competent. Even with some minor hiccups, and their ongoing customer service issues, at this point in my life, paying for a set of working eyes is worth the investment.

Kitties! (revisited

02 Monday Aug 2021

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When I first started blogging (was it really seven years ago?) I wrote an introductory post about the feline members of our little family. Since then, my family has changed drastically. Dasher left us in 2017, and Annie crossed the Rainbow Bridge earlier this year. Wayne (affectionately called “The boy”) found a new home; I was devastated I couldn’t keep him myself, but was thrilled that he found a new home thanks to a TV segment I researched where I recognized his meow instantly. Wolfie has her own story of coming into my home, leaving and returning again – first temporarily and then permanently.

And it’s with this in mind: here is a formal introduction to the kitties in my world… because the world needs more kitty pictures!

Wolfie is contentedly laying on her cat tree

Wolf, otherwise known as Wolfie, or Grey Lump, is almost 5. She’s a Russian Blue, which means she’s inherited a certain amount of eccentricity. She loves balling up shedded hair and fur into balls she can play with. She likes to hide during thunderstorms and isn’t super fond of new people coming to the house. She has two volume settings: extremely quiet, and VERY LOUD (the latter of which is less than adorable at 3:00 AM). She is incredibly sensitive to moods, weather, and just about everything else. She’s somewhat reserved, but she’s not afraid to make her opinions known, and she is absolutely not above putting another cat in her place… which she does… a lot… but nicely.

Simone, a black cat in a blue harness, is laying on the same cat tree

Simone, more regularly referred to as “Monkey” due to her ability to climb or squirm into or under or out of anything, is 9 months old. She’s a big black cat who hasn’t stopped growing yet (oh dear!) She is, bar none, the funniest cat I’ve ever met. She is friendly with everyone, without being clingy. Where Wolfie hides during thunderstorms, they give Simone energy. It’s not uncommon to find her launching herself off of anything she can, sometimes across the room. if she doesn’t have enough toys, she will make her own, not always with appropriate things. She is friends with both Jenny (the dog) and Wolfie, and while she may be a biological cat (those domestic creatures that purr and meow and use the litter box and knead things) her brain is all dog. She comes when called (even if you’re calling someone else), LOVES belly rubs, and actually plays fetch, though she’s admittedly not quite as good at bringing the ball back.

The Ultimate Blog Challenge, Day 1: let’s get this Brain-dump Party Started!!

01 Sunday Aug 2021

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Thanks to fellow blogger Steve, I’ve decided to take the plunge and join him (and a bunch of other bloggers I don’t know) and accept the terms of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

The terms themselves are pretty simple: write a blog post every day for the month of August. how hard can that be? Pretty freaking hard! Except I have all these blog posts in my head – some funny, some serious, some possibly controversial – and up until about 17 minutes ago I had no particularly urgent need to write any of them down. But a brain gets clogged with too much stuff, especially when you add a new job into the mix (what? I haven’t mentioned that? There’s a post right there!) So get ready for the wild ride of the dumping of material from my brain!

For those who don’t know me… here’s a bit about me: I run for fun. Books are my safe space. I love cats and dogs (I have two of the former and one of the latter), and I volunteer with a local animal rescue (WOW it’s been a while since I’ve updated with personal stuff!). See above re vague reference to new job. My eyes don’t work well, but my brain is sharp and my tongue is sharper. I say “fuck” a lot in person (though I can’t remember a single instance on this blog. You probably think you know what I’ll be like if we were to meet in person. You will probably be wrong.

Come along for the next 31 days; who knows what I’ll be brain-dumping next!