I look back over the past year, and realize just how much has happened, how hard it’s been, and how little I’ve written about the whole thing. Jenny retired. I trained with a new guide dog who, in October, was diagnosed with a mast cell tumor that thankfully got removed but resulted in a complicated healing process. My schooling misadventures feel like how I tried to write about them earlier this year – fits and starts and momentum and slammed-on brakes. We adopted a fourth cat. I’m going through a period of self-discovery that I’m not ready to discuss yet, but it does bear mentioning here because it’s part of all the things I’ve done in 2023 and will move forward into 2024.

In short… this year has been harder than I ever expected it to be. I feel like I’ve spent most of it treading water, being handed a lifeline (like a new opportunity), and then getting buried by another wave that might not be really massive, but certainly feels like it. But for the first time in most of a year or maybe longer, I feel like I’m breathing now. I know more about what I need to cope, and hope in 2024 I can share more about this self-discovery journey I’m on… but first let’s look back over 2023, such as it was.

Jenny’s Retirement

Jenny has been retired for nearly a year. She showed me in very real ways in the fall of 2022 that she was ready. My decisive dog – who made even incorrect decisions with 100% confidence – was reluctant to make decisions if there was more than one option. I still tear up thinking of the ways she tried to gently tell me she was ready – being more interested in hanging out with other people, general restlessness, slowing down on routes – until she told me in the most obvious way she knew how that she just was ready to be done. She loves retirement, but whenever I can I love taking her on leash trips to pet-friendly places; she loves those trips, too. She loves curling up and napping in her crate, enthusiastically greets me and Yasha, her successor, whenever we get home from work. She’s made friends with our newest cat, who I am convinced should’ve been born a dog. Her life is about snuggles and playtime and love, and she’s loving retirement!

Introducing: Yasha

IN January, 2023, I took a trip to Guiding Eyes for the Blind in New York to train with a 3-year-old yellow Labrador named Yasha. They tell you not to, but I had a hard time not comparing her to Jenny. Both girls are smart, both are stubborn. But where Jenny thought everything work-related was a new adventure and would do just about anything unless there was a very compelling reason not to do that thing, Yasha is more cautious and insists on a “business plan” as to why my decision(s) should override hers. The first year has been challenging in a way Jenny’s first year with me was not. I took her to the vet in October because I had some concerns about some symptoms and behaviors, and it turned out that she had a mast cell tumor. We spent most of October and November in and out of the vet – removal of the tumor, suture check post-surgery, redoing sutures when one or two blew out 10 days post-surgery, redoing sutures ten days after the first set was re-done, staples ten days later because it was clear sutures weren’t working, and then removal of the staples and hoping for the best when all of those didn’t hold. Thankfully, her prognosis is good, and her surgical site has healed over and is growing fur again!

But our first year wasn’t all about surgeries and vet visits – thankfully! We got to travel this year. Our first trip, to Vancouver, was a good experience for us. Like me, people in my life seemed to compare her to Jenny; or at the very least made comments about her hard-headedness, while I was trying to pick my battles with my new young dog. Our trip to California in December was a great team-building experience, because for the most part, it was her and I taking on Sacramento and San Francisco – areas I knew only slightly. She freaking rocked it, and loves the challenge of new places. One of her fun quirks is her “regrouping” strategy; if she figures out that neither of us know what we’re doing, she’ll take me to an out-of-the-way space to take a deep breath, get our bearings, and then come up with a game plan. She’s found great places to do this (like out of the way corners), and less than ideal ones (like bike racks), but I love her intuitiveness and how we are connecting in these ways. As I come up to one year with this smart, stubborn, serious working dog, I am glad we’ve had these times together, and I look forward to so many more adventures.

So… we Have a Whole Menagerie!

Jenny retired, I trained and brought home Yasha. My partner trained with and brought home a new service dog of his own. So, in the span of about 3 months, we adopted Madonna (a cute white and black cat that everyone calls “Maddie”), and brought home two new Labrador service dogs. This meant our household included 3 Labrador retrievers, three cats, and two humans.

So what did we do?

We adopted another cat. This one, a boy. Wiley is sweet and funny and a little bit foolish – how else can you describe laying in the middle of the floor, getting tripped on, and still not moving? We named him Wiley because he convinced us that he was a chill, mellow marshmallow of a cat… and then started tipping over water bowls in his excitement to go to a new home. He likes to sit beside me when i drink my coffee in the mornings, and can make a cat toy out of just about anything. Wiley is so sweet. He gets along with the dogs (Yasha’s his best friend in the whole wide world), loves Maddie, doesn’t mind getting bossed around by Monkey, and is still figuring out how not to get the crap beaten out of him by Wolfie. That last one is a work in progress.

Our menagerie makes us laugh every single day. Whether Jenny is trying to play with Wiley, or Monkey’s finding interesting and bizarre places to nap, or Yasha is throwing toys at whoever she wants to play with her… I laugh every single day. There’s almost always someone to snuggle with. There will always be fur on my floors, and I’ve made peace with that; but the love and laughter is worth more to me than perfectly clean floors.

School Is… School!

I’ve written before about how school is going. It’s been great in some areas and extremely frustrating in others. I’ve had course coordinators and tutors be extremely supportive – from making accessible format materials and answering all my questions, to the point of contacting accessibility services on my behalf because “it’s your job to learn the material, and it’s my job to make sure that happens” – and those that were much less helpful. I am finishing two courses right now for which I’ve requested extensions while starting two new ones. Online education for me has been a mixed bag, and I do want to write more about it as I move along this journey. But right now, writing about it seems counter-productive; it feels like I should be doing the school things, rather than writing about them.

Cool Unexpected Opportunities

As much as it feels like I didn’t do much in 2023 because I was so busy treading water and putting one foot in front of the other, I stumbled into some cool new opportunities this year. A friend reached out to me late in 2022 about a local docuseries about guide dogs she was participating in, and thought I could share my story too. At the time, Jenny’s retirement was imminent, and I felt it was just the wrong timing, especially with that experience being so raw and training with a new unknown dog, so I let it go and didn’t contact the creators and (I realize now) just hoped it would go away. But life has a funny way of throwing opportunities back at you. Next thing I knew, I was being interviewed on camera, talking about guide dogs, and – after a few months – viewing the final product. Edmonton’s Guide to Guide Dogs debuted in September and can be found on Youtube and Telus Optic TV. I’m glad I was a part of it, and hope it can entertain and educate about the important work that guide and service dogs do in our city.

On top of that, this year found me opening the door to becoming a real published author! I am one of 15 authors whose stories will be shared in an upcoming publication “Run for your Life”, which will be released in March, 2024. The writing was both easier and harder than I thought it would be; I’d written about running for years now. But telling your story as it is intertwined with other peoples’ is a complicated business. how much can you tell of your story without veering off-course and telling the stories that truly belong to others? I think I succeeded in telling my story, and am excited to hold in my hands a real physical book with my name in it!

Speaking of running… I ran my fastest half marathon in years in Edmonton in August! I also ran the Vancouver Half in May, and had a wonderful time! And in December I ran/walked a marathon! I went back to Sacramento to run the California International Marathon, even though I found out in July that the support that’s been provided to visually impaired runners for the past 15 years would no longer be provided. My training was insufficient (I had a hard time training with guides this fall), and my lack of motivation didn’t help. But I crossed the finish line and made a new friend in my guide runner in the process.

So… now what?

Normally, my partner and I light a fire and burn all the paper and cardboard things we’ve accumulated during the year as a symbol of ushering out old things so we can move forward in the new. But it’s so dry and warm that we have no snow to buffer against the fire. So… I guess… I’m thinking about the fire that will be whenever it’s safe to do so. I’m thinking about all of my hopes for 2024; more writing, more jewelry making, and maybe more music. I plan to run a marathon in 2024, but I will be careful about the race I choose, and make sure ahead of time that I’m able to secure guides regularly to train – the past two years have not made this possible. I hope to get through school and re-discover the joy an excitement that I only now realize has been left behind in much of the frustration I’ve faced over the past few months.

In short… In 2024, I just hope. I hope to breathe. I hope for strength. I hope for grace. And I hope 2024 is gentler to me than 2023 has been.

However the past year has been for you, I hope the coming year brings you love, peace, rest, discovery, joy, and productivity – in whatever healthy ways those things look like for you.