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Life Unscripted

Monthly Archives: February 2015

Guide Dogs really DO teach you about Life

27 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by blindbeader in blindness

≈ 10 Comments

Tags

blindness, guide dogs, life lessons

So, for something a little bit different for this blog, you get two bloggers for the price of one!  We happened to be thinking about the same sort of thing
at the same time, and agreed to collaborate!  Since we are posting this entry simultaneously on each of our blogs, I figure an introduction is an order:

 

Blindbeader (real name relatively unknown): working her first guide dog, Jenny.  Somewhat of a perfectionist, loves the challenges of life but would sometimes
like the world to slow down a bit.  Eats too much chocolate, drinks far too much coffee, and yet somehow manages to stay employed, athletic, and reasonably
sane.

 

Jenny hates boats, and yet she and I are awaiting one in NYC

Jenny hates boats, and yet she and I are awaiting one in NYC

 

Francesca (Twitter handle @poetprodigy7): Working with her second guide dog, Zeus, AKA espresso on four legs. Writer, teacher, self-deprecatingly funny,
sometimes refers to herself as the blind Bridget Jones. Addicted to coffee, chocolate, Colin Firth, and the Big Bang theory (not necessarily in that order).

 

This is SO the life! Zeus is sleeping by the pool with a wine glass right beside him

This is SO the life! Zeus is sleeping by the pool with a wine glass right beside him

 

Guide Dogs – Living in the Real World

 

Francesca:
Several weeks ago, on a cold, gray, misty Monday, I dutifully donned my raincoat and ventured into the downpour to take my guide dog for his evening constitutional.
Under normal circumstances, he would, Labrador that he is, have raised no objections to getting wet; this day, however, he was recovering from a mysterious
episode of stomach upset, and I might have foregone the walk until the rain subsided, but for the fact that I was endeavoring to avoid an unmitigated disaster
of the nature that would require a professional carpet cleaner.

Given that both of us were wet, tired, and anxious, it should come as no surprise that Zeus’s distraction resulted in us becoming slightly (or completely)
disoriented. How was it that the dog who keeps me from falling down stairs and has been known to plant his paws between me and oncoming vehicles couldn’t
even locate our front door? Too wet to ponder the incongruity of it all, when we finally found our way back home, I promptly sat down on the couch and
cried for about fifteen minutes.

Anyone who has ever been the two-legged part of a guide dog team knows this story all-too well, and yet as many of us will attest, even on the worst days—when
your dog has barked in harness, or nicked a bite of your co-worker’s peanut butter sandwich—we’d far rather walk on the wild side of life with our crazy
companions than take that journey alone. Between two dogs, I have a combined total of nearly eleven years of experience as a guide dog handler, and I use
the term experience euphemistically here to mean: “I’m still alive, and not in a full body cast, so I must be doing something right.” When I experience
moments of self-doubt, I sometimes force myself to step back and think about just how much my dogs have taught me about friendship, bravery, and blind
faith. At the risk of sounding like the amazing guide dog whisperer, then, being a guide dog handler has taught me several lessons about life.

Blindbeader:
18 months ago, when I started training with my first guide dog, Jenny, I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the entire process.  I had practical questions
that had been asked and answered, but I wanted to know more about that emotional – almost mystical – bond between guide dog and handler.  The problem was, I didn’t even know what questions to ask, much less the answers I needed to hear.

Lately, I have come across many people who have just started training or just come home with new guides, as well as those that are in the application process
or waiting for class dates.  Here are many pointers that I wish someone had told me before I first opened my door – and my heart – to the most stubborn dog in the world.

Francesca:
A bad day is just that: one day out of the hopefully innumerable ones I will live. When I have a bad day at work, I drown my sorrows in tears and vodka.
When Zeus has a bad day at work, he wags his tail, licks my hand, and shrugs it off. Whether this is because he believes in a better tomorrow or because
Labradors have notoriously short-term memories, his approach seems far more emotionally balanced.

Blindbeader:
Your dog will test you, period!  It varies in scope, intensity, duration, and activity, but almost all new dogs WILL push the boundaries.  This does NOT
mean that there is anything inherently wrong with handler or dog.
I’ve been there, though, at a time when all of my guide dog handler friends told me that their dog NEVER did activity X or didn’t have bad habit Y.  Thankfully,
we worked through it with a lot of hard work, some frustration, and huge parties on street corners when Jenny took me to the lightpole without grabbing
the garbage at the bottom of it.
If the dog is being unsafe, however, or there hasn’t been improvement (And I mean, even a LITTLE), guide dog schools generally have followup services either on request or on a regular basis; use them!  Or ask questions of other guide dog handlers, who have been in the trenches and can offer a variety of suggestions.  I just have to remember that many first-time long-time handlers can have selective amnesia.  If I ever get that way, knock me upside the head!

Francesca:
Sometimes, work can wait. Even when my dog isn’t in harness, rarely is he off-duty. Even when we’re taking a leisurely stroll to nowhere in particular,
he is always multitasking, concentrating half on the business of fertilizing the neighborhood grass and half on the business of ensuring that I don’t sprain
my ankle falling over a tree root. Whenever he tosses his favorite toy into my lap or wedges his nose between my hand and the laptop keyboard, he reminds
me to check the proverbial warning light on my brain’s battery and occasionally power down and recharge.

Blindbeader:
I so second this one!  If a guide dog has time to be a DOG, to bond with his/her handler, it does make him or her a better guide in the long run.  It took
me about six months to realize when Jenny was exhibiting more frequent distracted behaviors, then it was time for a good long run, or a seriously wicked
game of tug.  That done, she would be able to focus on her work, and everyone was happier.

Francesca:
Learn to let it go. One day, my dog stopped me from falling off a drop in the sidewalk because I was far too intent on a conversation with my friend to notice the change in elevation. The moment we got home, he immediately rewarded himself by, for reasons which remain clear only to him, stealing a pair of my
underwear from the laundry basket. While I naturally corrected him for this, I didn’t dwell on the mishap with my usual scab-picking intensity, because
I was still grateful for the fact that I wasn’t doing the bunny hop on a broken leg. Case in point: things could always be worse. Appreciate it when they’re not.

Blindbeader:
Be prepared for your dog to occasionally make you look really really REALLY dumb.  I was in a familiar area while training with Jenny one day, and I told
her to move forward.  She stopped, I corrected her, and told her to move forward.  She eventually did… and led me straight into a gravel pit.  Oops!  The first thing they drill into your head at guide dog school is “Trust your Dog!” and this has served me well more often than not.  Sometimes I get to know why my dog did what she did; other times I just shake my head and just wonder why she chose to quite determinedly run me through that parking lot, but the dog has two working eyeballs, and I certainly do not!  Then again, there are times Jenny IS doing something she shouldn’t, making me look silly; in two minutes the dog will forget about it, and you should too!

Francesca:

It takes more strength to hold a grudge than to let go of one. Have you ever tried to stay angry at a Labrador? It works about as well as defying the laws
of gravity. No matter how frustrated I sometimes find myself with my dog, he always manages to win me over with his puppy dog penitence, and this reminder
to forgive and forget has served me well in the relationships I cultivate with others. Perhaps Woodrow Wilson said it best: “if a dog will not come to
you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.”

Blindbeader:
Pick your battles!  There are some things guide dogs should NOT do:
scavenge, chase after other dogs, get up and wander around on their own.  That being said, all dogs have quirks; some can be trained out of them, others
are just interesting little fringe benefits.  Jenny does not like guiding me through puddles (or getting her feet wet at all); however, she will do it
if she has to.  I can decide that, well, she is the dog and I am the human, so by God, she will guide me through that puddle!  Or I can just be thankful
that my shoes stay dry and I don’t have to worry so much about the ice hiding underneath all that water.  Guess what I picked (Hint: my shoes tend to stay dry…)

Francesca:
You can, contrary to popular belief, perform essential functions without the benefit of caffeine. At least once a week, I am heard to declare that the
fact that I feed and walk my dog every morning before I’ve had my first cup of coffee testifies to my undying appreciation for the sacrifices he makes
daily to keep me safe. (Including making sure that I don’t mortally wound myself when I attempt to move without first fueling myself with caffeine). There’s
a reason I refer to my overly frisky, furry eyeballs as espresso on four legs. One shot of him propels me pretty efficiently through the first fifteen
minutes of my day.

Blindbeader:
(On a totally different note) Guide dog school has good suggestions, maybe even great ones, but much of what you learn is done after formal training is over.
This is OK, and, in fact, necessary.  You will laugh when your dog shows you – in that cute way he has – that your safety is in his paws, and by the way
you should trust him because he has two fully functioning eyeballs *you do not) and is walking you calmly around that open car door… you will cry with
frustration on a day when it all just goes to hell and there’s no rhyme or reason why.  You will sing for joy on the first day you just “click.”  And you
have good days and bad days, sometimes feeling like you have the most intelligent creature on the planet and other times wondering why this little demon
from hell is taking up space in your apartment.

I don’t mean to sound like having a guide dog is this painful drudgery; trust me, it isn’t!  But I have seen so many guide dog handlers get discouraged
that things aren’t going well and it isn’t working like it shows on TV or did in class.  I LOVE having a guide dog.  I love putting in the work to shape
her behavior that will make her a better guide and us a better team.  When a concept we’ve been working on for months clicks in her head, I almost don’t
have to praise her because her head is up and her tail is wagging happily; I praise her to the skies anyway.  The day during training when she pulled me
out of the path of a bus, I had no idea how many other close calls we would dodge over the next 18 months.  If I get to stay safe, trusting my life to
her two working eyeballs and four stinky paws, I’d gladly take the occasional cracker away from her…

“Service Dogs not Welcome!” – Dodging a bullet

20 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Having worked with a guide dog for nearly 18 months, I have lived a pretty charmed life as it comes to access concerns.  I have had a couple of concerned fast-food restaurant cashiers express their worries about Jenny having an accident on the floor, had a cab company’s customer service rep make the unfortunate decision to refer to Jenny as my “pet”, and was once the center of a brief discussion between a Dunkin Donuts employee and another customer.  But beyond that, for me, it has been relatively smooth sailing.  I have no illusions that I am fortunate; others have been turned away from airlines, restaurants and taxis simply for using a service dog to aid their independence while living with a variety of disabilities.

We have come a long way since the first guide dog handlers fought for access to public places, and still evidently have a long way to go.  But a proposed amendment to an Arizona bill could have set service dog access rights back over 25 years, and set a pretty scary precedent to overturn federal laws.

In a nutshell, apparently Arizona has seen a proliferation of fake service dogs – “bad actors,” according to the representative who proposed the amendment; also, legitimate service dogs apparently present a profound risk to the general public.  His response to this was this bill, which – among other scary prospects – would have granted restaurants the right to post signs stating that service dogs were not welcome (an irony, since a major population that use them can’t see well enough to read such prejudicial signs).  It would also require individuals with disabilities and their service dogs to be licensed through the Arizona Department of health Services, a permit which would need to be renewed regularly.

An urgent message went out over Twitter and Facebook on Wednesday night, with many very angry guide dog handlers at a loss for words.  Many Arizonans who use service dogs – guide dogs, mobility dogs – turned out in force on voting day on Thursday, living proof that the phantom problems that are alleged to exist are miniscule in scope.  The bill was ultimately voted down, even by the representative who first proposed it.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief on the news, not because I have a burning desire to visit Arizona but because if other states (and ultimately the US federal government) follow the lead of this bill it would make it legal for a business to deny me access purely based on my disability.

I love the fluidity, the teamwork, and the independence of traveling with a guide dog.  If someone is very allergic to dogs, I do what I can to keep a distance, and make extra sure that Jenny doesn’t start playing Doggie for Mayor.  A Fear of dogs will make me vigilent about keeping her close to me and as low-key as possible.  I am not unsympathetic to those who have very real allergies, and very real gut-level fears, but Jenny has kept me active, mobile and safe for the past 18 months.  Thousands of dogs like her are doing their jobs all over the world, and so long as the dogs are behaving and under control, they should be permitted to continue doing so.

Oh, and by the way?  I have never come across a “fake” service dog…

Getting Angry: A Simple question…

13 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by blindbeader in blindness

≈ 8 Comments

I love living in a city, and I love visiting cities.  For me, getting around is generally convenient on public transportation – we’ve come a long way from walking two miles to the once-an-hour streetcar stops of yesteryear.  Sure, we all like to complain when public transit doesn’t go the way we think it should, and we have a right to complain when drivers are consistently late, give us truly terrible directions to where we need to go (“over there” is not helpful), or leave us sitting on a bus stop bench in the summer heat.  But over all, I have been fairly lucky in my public transit experiences in Edmonton, in New York City, and in other cities I have traveled.

 

Most large cities have a Paratransit service that provides assistance to those who are unable to use public transportation for some or all trips due to a physical or cognitive disability; Edmonton is no exception.  Where I grew up in BC, I took our Paratransit regularly from school because I lived too far to walk and there was no bus service available; I have chosen not to sign up for the DATS service in Edmonton, because I believe public transportation meets my needs nicely.

 

A comment I posted on Twitter today, and have voiced in the past, has gone something like this: Why would a blind person regularly take Paratransit when their city has a good, steady, reliable public transportation system?  I have received many answers, ranging from “the bus would drop me off on the far side of a busy highway” to “I would have to take six buses and a train to get where I need to go” to “Not everyone is as mobile or independent as you.”  All of these made me feel like I was a terrible person for asking such questions, and up until very recently I couldn’t figure out what got me so frustrated about the whole thing.  Now that I know… I honestly don’t feel any better; in fact, I feel angrier.

 

Using Edmonton’s DATS system as an example, you can prebook no earlier than 3 days before your trip and must have it booked by noon the day before your trip, unless you “subscribe” to a trip you need to take regularly.  If you need to cancel, you have to give at least 2 hours notice.  This doesn’t give much notice for on-the-fly concerns, but is quite likely used to keep people from forgetting about their trips if it is booked a month in advance.

 

But what bothers me most is the seemingly consistent unreliability of DATS that I have seen in the 10 years I have lived here.  I have seen people get dropped off 15 minutes late for an event, and then have their ride home arrive 20 minutes after that, so they couldn’t participate in the 90-minute activity they planned.  One friend told me that he could book a DATS vehicle to pick him up at 5:00, and it could arrive anytime between 4:00-7:00.  I once met someone who was waiting for a scheduled DATS vehicle when I walked into the gym for a workout and was still waiting when I walked out over an hour later.  And I have seen this and heard about it over and over and over again from those who use the system regularly, usually accompanied by a resigned sigh.

 

Do we not deserve better?

 

And not only us, but those who may be unable to speak for themselves.  Do they not deserve better?

 

It is not that blind people taking Paratransit are bad blind people, abusing the system and not using skills they should already know; I don’t think this in the majority of cases.  But it is that the Paratransit systems here and in other cities seem to be rigid in their regulations and lax on their reliability, and from what I have been told it is almost always the office staff who are the most abrupt and impatient when a frustrated passenger calls to inquire about the status of their ride.

 

This does not appear to be unique to Edmonton, though other cities may have different problems.  I would honestly like to speak to someone who has had consistently good experiences with a service like DATS in their city, because it would be great to hear some good news about it.  I don’t know that there are easy answers, except to say that the idea of Paratransit is a good one, though the execution needs some work.  I know my question has been all wrong…

 

When are we ALL going to stand up and request changes to a system that is obviously not working?  Our time is valuable too.

“So, Like, he takes care of you!” or…?

05 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by blindbeader in Uncategorized

≈ 52 Comments

Beyond my blindness, which is fairly visibly obvious, one of the first things people notice about me is the ring on my left ring finger.  Many of them will say something about me being married, and the topic comes around to the fact that my husband is sighted.

“Oh, that’s great!”

Are they happy that I am married, happily, to someone who loves me?  That I share my life with someone who carries me through dark times as I try and do for him?  That we own a house, laugh at the antics of my guide dog and our three cats, cook, clean, bicker, smile, laugh, share hobbies, misunderstand each other, argue over money or sex or in-laws, smile and nod at little quirks that we just accept about each other?

Or are they happy that he can see?

Thankfully, Ben has told me that we don’t often get people staring at us, unless he is walking me into tables and chairs (something he has struggled with since we started dating).  There are no noticeably pitying looks, or no outward looks of admiration…

But it is not uncommon for me (and others with sighted partners) to hear comments about how great it is that their mate is there to “take care of them.”  Sure, he cooks a mean lasagna and picks up groceries, but I do laundry and clean the bathroom; if that’s taking care of me, then my contributions to our household are obviously considered “lesser” than his.  Often times (though this is not unique to my husband), staff at stores or restaurants will ask what “she” would like.  Few things annoy me (and him) more, so often times I will assert myself, or he will direct whoever to speak to me directly.  Ben says he often gets questions about how I can read, what I do for work, or if I have a dog – questions that are par for the course when people meet or hear about a blind person.  What is incredibly disconcerting is that it is assumed that Ben is my friend, and my blind guy friends are my FRIENDS (my emphasis).  It has never been said in Ben’s presence so far as I know, but I have gone for coffee or worked out with blind male friends, and it is assumed that they are the giver of the ring on my finger.

My friend Meagan is engaged to Gregg, who is also blind.  I have known them for quite a while now, and find them cute.  Not CUTE (“Oh, the little blindie couple!”) but cute (two people who care about each other and still make each other smile despite distance, time and any difficulties that come their way).  She says people do think they are adorable in the blind-couple sense, but are alternately upset that Meagan and Gregg (Meagan in particular) don’t have someone to take care of them.  It’s a double-edged sword, contingent on the idea that a blind person needs someone to watch over them; it is not a matter of finding someone to love, who happens to be blind (or sighted, in my case).  My friend Alicia agrees, going one step further: “First time someone learns I was dating, especially if the curious person was a parent or family member, that was the first question out of their mouths. I used to get angry and ask them why that was their first question, now I just answer it and move on. Usually their second is, what caused his blindness,” she says.

Conversely, I do know other blind people who are resistent to the idea of dating someone sighted, and seem to carry a resentment for those of us who have.  On one hand, it appears that blind people with sighted partners enjoy a certain elevated status; on the other, it is assumed that we think we’re too good to “stick with our own kind.”

This conundrum is not unique to the blind, however, though according to one friend we are the only ones who get frustrated by questions about the vision status of our partners.  She is deaf-blind, and says “in Deaf or Deafblind culture, it’s very normal to ask. And expected that partner is Deaf or DB. Blind seem to get mad if asked.”  She is in a relationship with someone who is deaf; they can both communicate with sign.  She says that 90% of “culturally deaf” (people who are either deaf themselves or have a familial connection to deafness, like a child of deaf parents) are in a relationship with others in the same community.  I found an interview that seems to bear this out, with a woman named Michele Westfall who has chosen to fully embrace deaf culture with her husband and children.  On the other side, Kristen is married to a hearing man, and she says she thinks it is expected that he takes care of her.  There is a possibility that any children they have will be born deaf, or they may be born hearing; either way, she hopes to teach them about the value of sign language and the unique nuances in the deaf community.

Ultimately, it puts both deaf and blind in an impossible situation.  We are either being taken care of by our sighted/hearing spouse or are too limited or insular to be bothered even trying to break away from the blind/deaf cocoons (real or imagined) that are placed around us by ourselves, our families, or society.  Our sighted/hearing mates are treated as heroes for giving up their lives to take care of us or are thought of as lesser beings for dating or marrying someone who isn’t “normal”.  If we happen to find a partner with whom we have deafness or blindness in common, there is always the niggling thought that we are perceived to be unable to do any better, so we intermarry out of a desire not to be alone rather than a deep love for one another.  More than anything, this thought scares Meagan the most.

The next time you encounter me and Ben walking through a shopping mall, or hear Meagan and Gregg perform in a restaurant, or see Michele Westfall and her husband and family signing while at a sports game, or listen to Kristen and her husband talk over a cup of coffee, just remember that we are all just like you and your partner.  Our joys, sorrows, inside jokes and petty grievances are no different from your own.  In any healthy relationship, there is care-taking, and some insulation from the outside world; whether one’s partner can see, hear or walk, we all just want to be treated as though being loved is the greatest thing in the world… which, after all, it is!

CORRECTION: Michele Westfall is not married at this time, and was kind enough to correct me for my mistaken perception.  In any event, my opinion still stands that a deaf couple still deserves the same happiness, respect and autonomy as a hearing one. 🙂

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